My parents are staying with me. And they are so much worse than I remembered and they are far worse than my ex. The ex really did rescue me from them. And I'm pretty convinced now that their nastiness set my marriage up for failure. I'm not saying we would have stayed married if they had been sweet as pie, but they really didn't help and they went a long way towards making the ex so angry and resentful. Now they're trying to do the same thing with my BF but he's not falling for it. He's standing by my side and being nice to them. My father was making fun of me under his breath to him and he ignored it. I had said something about ordering large vs small portions of Chinese food and my father said "she's a large portion." I didn't hear it, BF told me. When we were leaving my son's piano recital, at 1:30pm when I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast, I ate pita chip getting onto the elevator and my mother snarled "STOP IT!" I was staggered. I said stop what? "STOP EATING!" She was enraged with me for eating because I'm "so fat" and she's "so distressed and so concerned" and "she's a doctor and my doctors haven't mentioned my weight because they just know that some patients won't hear it." I'm simply not fat. I'm not skinny, but no way am I big enough for anyone to be "so distressed" that they yell at me out of nowhere.
They are unbearable. They want me to be alone and they always have. They made my BF sit down and have BIG TALK about how I need space and I've had my ex in my head for so long. They've done this to every single man I've ever been with - had the BIG TALK about how the guy has to back off and I need space and blah and blah. They do their best to drive anyone away from me. Neither of them have real friends and they treat the people in their life like garbage. My mother has no friends at all of her own and never has. My father has friends but he treats them so badly. He hasn't spoken to his own brother in years and he won't speak to his brother's children either - and they had nothing to do with whatever it is he's mad about.
Do I really deserve this? Does helping me get away from a horrible marriage mean that they own me and they can yell at me whenever they want? Am I nothing more than a slave? I had really forgotten how horrible my mother is. She's called me the C word, she's called me the B word, she's yelled at me for sleeping, she's withheld food from me, she's yelled at me for putting myself out for my friends ... It's horrible. I feel so triangulated by horrible people. Parents on one side and ex on the other. And I'm frantically trying to get free of all 3 of them so I can live my own life and breathe and be at peace and not be yelled at for liking the wrong kind of music or the wrong TV show or for not laughing at people.
They leave on Saturday. So yet again I am trapped in my own house and trying to get through time. How much of my life has slipped away because I was trying to get through time until I could be in a place where I could breathe? I feel like I can't do it anymore.
At least I'm back at work, and you can bet I'm scheduling all kinds of things after work. Maybe I can avoid seeing them entirely until I take them to the airport. There will probably be another Big Talk at some point then too.