bradley_turner
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- Jul 18, 2003
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Re: OT: Nethack
I'm also a nethack newb, but I think that this might be the funniest thing that I've ever read, so funny because I've done all of the aforementioned things, though I never seem to learn any better
I have completed what I call, My 13 Step Program to Learning Nethack. I thought I would share it here, incase other beginners were interested in learning the game.
1) Announce on these forums you are to dim witted to advance out of the first area.
2) Have someone spoon feed you the basic commands (open, kick, search)
3) Play only Wizards. They have the least (or very low?) HP so you will die quickly, resulting in many lessons learned very quickly.
4) Click Help -> List of Commands every time you want to do something. Browse the list of commands until you find something that might work. Return to the game... realize you've forgotten what key activated the command. Click Help -> List of Commands again, and browse until you find the command again. Repeat this step every time you want to do something.
5) Find a shop. Pick up all the items on the ground to see what they are. Assume that one tile can only hold one item - continue to return the items onto the ground in the shop while accidentally picking up other items you've already dropped (without realizing that you can turn Autopickup OFF). Struggle to exit the shop because the keeper is standing in the way of the door ("Really? Attack the shopkeeper? NO"). Finally escape the shop, only to stumble back in later - drifting in and out of conciseness due to starvation - Eat the food you can't pay for. Assume you have to attack the shopkeeper in order to escape without paying. Die.
6) Start again. See what happens if you go down the stairs you originally entered from at the beginning of the game (don't forget to return to step 4 to figure out how to go down stairs).
7) Start again. Find lots of food quickly, think "oh good, food wont be a problem this time. Die to a water monster while clicking a fountain.
8) Start again. Encounter a rock in a corner which you cannot get past. Die of starvation.
9) Start again. Realize that you can walk at an angle past rocks in corners. Click on a fountain multiple times while thinking "I shouldn't be doing this". Die to 5x water snakes.
10) Start again. Have a decent run and make it to a point where you think you should save for the night. Not knowing what point you will restart at when you load the game next, quickly load the game to see the answer before you go to bed (at the stairs, good stuff!) Hit the X to close Nethack... "Do you want to save?"... "no, why would I? I just saved!"
11) Try to load the game the next day only to realize that (apparently?), even though you saved once, your next choice of "no, don't save" resulted in a Quit.
12) Google "Nethack tips". Read a brief guide on beginning the game. Laugh at all the things you've done wrong.
13) Feel despair for all the other things going on in your life that will be ignored while you continue to kill yourself over and over and over again, because you feel an addiction starting.
The strange part is, I wasn't frustrated at all by the 2-3 hours I spent experiencing this. Mostly I was just laughing at myself!
I will probably throw my hat into this tournament, but I think a few more practice runs are needed first!
-hps
I'm also a nethack newb, but I think that this might be the funniest thing that I've ever read, so funny because I've done all of the aforementioned things, though I never seem to learn any better