Thanks guys!
I'm not sure if that's good or bad, and it seems like you don't either. You will certainly be missed if you aren't around though!
Mmmmmhmmmm!
It's definitely a good change. It's definitely a development of myself. To be happier.
The pain is that after four years living with some people, (the owner, his sister, and her son,) I had to move out. The owner is getting married, and it will be a family house.
At the same time, his sister (and her son) wanted to move out as well, and because we knew each other, and for financial reasons, it was better to move in to a place together.
When I first moved in to the old place, I always wished I had feelings for the sister - for four years. I had a good sense that she was incredible, but something
blocked any feelings, and there was nothing there.
We moved in together, and with that, I began learning about who she is, and that all my feelings that were being blocked were true. We were very open with each other, and have similar thoughts and enjoyment, and I've learnt so much about her and myself. More in the past couple months than in four years! This move and connection has started a massive change in my mind - for the better.
Due to unusual circumstances, I had to admit that I had feelings, and I felt it was entirely one-sided, and explained that it was a long time thought, and not just confused feelings come up from the move/interactions.
But these circumstances meant that I had to say it - it was only fair. The one-sidedness was confirmed, but we are both entirely okay with that. She is very open and welcoming, and respectful of my feelings. She said she will be more aware of how mixed I might feel at times, and we can still enjoy the long talks and other things we both enjoy - basically still be good friends and housemates.
But, while that is great, it still stings. A lot.
And... then last night.
I decided to ask her if she could help introduce me to some people she might know, to help me meet others who share a likemindedness and positivity, and to help move on.
Well, that sounds good and all, but...
She said that it might be an idea to try to see if there's something there. And hesistated in saying something else because I said I wasn't really ready for any more shocks. I wasn't expecting that, and feel very protective of myself. I don't want false hope, to feel close, and then for the one-sidedness to be confirmed. That would send me (emotionly) incredibly high, and then crash to an all new low. I'd get a glimpse of what I'd love to share with her, and it could just disappear. I don't think I could live in the same house after that. At least now, while it stings, we still can have fun and have really good chats and openness.
She was very hesitant to say one more thing she wanted to, but after convincing her that it should be said (it wasn't really convincing, but sharing,) she said that maybe we should kiss at some point to explore that path.
Yeah, that was kind of awkward, especially with me asking her if she could help me meet others. Nice, but surprising.
I am happy staying open and as we are for now, at least until we both have a little time to consider this turn of events. Still enjoying what we do, but being aware of everything, and when things feel right. Just really for a nice day together, and for some emotions to become more clear.
Hope you find what you're looking for in life. Although i do also hope that part of that is posting here.
