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Vessel of Hatred

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Goldtru said:
@Ariadne : I've been mulling over your post for a few days and forgive me for taking so long to contribute. You know that I know your pain, and I know what you're going through. My parents are better now and it's my ex-husband who is the toxic one, the one I have to interact with every day and who shows up in my house in a 9 year old body all the time.

I hate when people trying to give support just talk about themselves because I'm not trying to talk about myself - I'm trying to let you know that you're not alone with this pain. The thing I wanted to share was this: there's a guy where I work (I work for Harvard) who is a student, and he has two artificial legs. Both legs go above the knee and he wears shorts a lot, so you can see them. He carries a backpack around and he walks stiffly, because he is walking on his knees, and honestly you have to actually look at him to notice it. I have so much admiration for him. I suspect he's a soldier who got his legs blown off by an IED because we have a lot of military types around here studying, but I don't know for sure and it doesn't really matter. I got on the elevator with him once and I blurted out "I have so much admiration for you," and he seemed a bit taken aback and said "Yeah, I've been through some stuff ..."

My point is that his pain is on the outside where everyone can see it, whereas your pain (and mine) is on the inside where no one can see it unless we share it. In some ways I'm jealous of him for that. But also, his pain (and ours) is never going to go away. He is never going to have legs again. He is never going to put his toes in the sand or try out new shoes or get a foot rub. We are the same. There are parts of us that are so badly damaged that they will never heal. But that's OK. We can live with it, just as he lives with his artificial legs. We aren't ever going to have the kind of carefree existence that people with working family relationships (or working legs) have, but we are still going to live our lives to the fullest. It's OK to carry this pain because it has to be, and somehow accepting that helps.

hope this wasn't too long ...
Click to expand...
No, it wasn't too long and I appreciate! I'm glad to hear your parents are better but that doesn't undo what happened. I could write a long list of recent things my mother or my father got up to and that would be boring and just show they can't live up to my expectations - or that they are just not very pleasant people.
It's just so sad. My father sounded dissappointed that I am again not coming over for christmas. The last time I was there for christmas it was just so horrible I wanted to get away and the thing is with the village they're in and me not owning a car, I couldn't so I was stuck and it felt like the past again, the way they behaved and me unable to escape. So I'm not having that again, and I have told them why that is. They insist they were most pleasant (with my father telling me I always damage their stuff - he thought I broken their tv - and my mother claiming I know nothing about children's books despite having worked with children's books for over 10 years) and they really can't see how they were not, so my father played his "but I'm in poor health" card. Which is true and because I'm not made of stone that does get to me, but that really doesn't make them nicer.
If someone can't help hurting you, it doesn't mean you have to stand in the firing line.
 
Cyrax said:
Had a talk about my future with my manager last week. Wanted to try and study for a different profession than i have now. But as it turned out the manager had different plans. Ofc. i could still do so, but completely in my own time. Right. Also found out that household work should not be called work. According to her anyway.

So it would seem that i'll be ditched somewhere else. Probably first half of next year. Travel time, nice as it was now, will probably almost double. And there's a good chance i'll have to follow one or more courses (also in my own time, that somehow manager considers to be time i should spend working, without getting paid for it). Yay. Not. Supposedly it's good for my career. More likely they can get more money for me elsewhere. Needless to say i'm not very enthusiastic about the whole thing.

Hopefully holiday in a week. That's to say, i got one planned but we got quite a bit to do in this last week and it's not certain yet that everything will be done before that. So it's not entirely impossible i'll be asked to work a bit then. We'll see how that goes.

Destiny got some new feature. Sparrow racing. Initially i wasn't too enthusiastic about racing in a FPS game, but after trying it i was having some fun with it. (Sparrows are a vehicle in Destiny. Kinda comparable with motorcycles without wheels, propelled somewhat like a hoovercraft)

I've never been into pvp, but i was thinking about doing it. And since the sparrow racing kinda also is pvp i decided to give the 'real pvp' a try too. So Sunday evening i did a few matches. With very mixed results. Initially i had a matchtype which was 6vs6 where i felt like i was participating (despite finishing in bottom 2). Then i had a different 6vs6 type match where i got blown away left, right and center. Every time i thought i was kinda chasing someone to shoot them i got shot from behind, or from the side, or they saw me coming and shot me right in the face.
Last match type i tried so far was a 3vs3 match. At these matches i did surprisingly well. Did two of them and had the most kills in both of them. Don't know if i was just getting better, had some other noob players in there or if this type of match suites me better, but i guess we'll see after i have some more matches under my belt.
Still learning the maps cause they're quite different from pvm so i really started with a disadvantage compared to the more experienced players. Besides that i'm also still trying out what weapons are best to use and stuff like that, so hopefully i'll get my k/d ratio (kill/death) up a bit after i get some more practise.
Click to expand...
That is a really rotten work situation. Work got worse for me too lately but nothing compared to that - I'm lucky that I'm in nonprofit. You do get more whining and hippie shit in non profit.
 
come work for me cyrax. I desperately need atleast one non moron.
don't work for kegs. his boss is a jerk
 
Cyrax said:
Had a talk about my future with my manager last week. Wanted to try and study for a different profession than i have now. But as it turned out the manager had different plans. Ofc. i could still do so, but completely in my own time. Right. Also found out that household work should not be called work. According to her anyway.

So it would seem that i'll be ditched somewhere else. Probably first half of next year. Travel time, nice as it was now, will probably almost double. And there's a good chance i'll have to follow one or more courses (also in my own time, that somehow manager considers to be time i should spend working, without getting paid for it). Yay. Not. Supposedly it's good for my career. More likely they can get more money for me elsewhere. Needless to say i'm not very enthusiastic about the whole thing.

Hopefully holiday in a week. That's to say, i got one planned but we got quite a bit to do in this last week and it's not certain yet that everything will be done before that. So it's not entirely impossible i'll be asked to work a bit then. We'll see how that goes.

Destiny got some new feature. Sparrow racing. Initially i wasn't too enthusiastic about racing in a FPS game, but after trying it i was having some fun with it. (Sparrows are a vehicle in Destiny. Kinda comparable with motorcycles without wheels, propelled somewhat like a hoovercraft)

I've never been into pvp, but i was thinking about doing it. And since the sparrow racing kinda also is pvp i decided to give the 'real pvp' a try too. So Sunday evening i did a few matches. With very mixed results. Initially i had a matchtype which was 6vs6 where i felt like i was participating (despite finishing in bottom 2). Then i had a different 6vs6 type match where i got blown away left, right and center. Every time i thought i was kinda chasing someone to shoot them i got shot from behind, or from the side, or they saw me coming and shot me right in the face.
Last match type i tried so far was a 3vs3 match. At these matches i did surprisingly well. Did two of them and had the most kills in both of them. Don't know if i was just getting better, had some other noob players in there or if this type of match suites me better, but i guess we'll see after i have some more matches under my belt.
Still learning the maps cause they're quite different from pvm so i really started with a disadvantage compared to the more experienced players. Besides that i'm also still trying out what weapons are best to use and stuff like that, so hopefully i'll get my k/d ratio (kill/death) up a bit after i get some more practise.
Click to expand...

Remember, its not what's best for you, its what makes them the most money.
 
kestegs said:
It's true, but I've also never stabbed anyone.
Click to expand...
why stab them when you could electrocute them and make it look like an accident?
 
Well, obviously! I never said I didn't kill people, it's just best to use the tools of your trade.
 
corax said:
come work for me cyrax. I desperately need atleast one non moron.
don't work for kegs. his boss is a jerk
Click to expand...

I'll never work for a jerk like kegs' boss!

kestegs said:
It's true, but I've also never stabbed anyone.
Click to expand...

So you're even leaving out the fun parts of the job? Now i really have no reason to work for you. Then again, electrocuting people may be fun too.

Pyrotechnician said:
Remember, its not what's best for you, its what makes them the most money.
Click to expand...

Said something similar to my manager. She was talking about doing job that you love and such. I'm like: yeah that's great when you have enough money by yourself or a wife that makes good money, but i simply can't afford to just do what i like and then hope i get paid enough to keep paying for my house and such. I don't think she really got it.
 
LET'S ALL DRAW ON DJ!!!!!
*maniacal laughter while handing out Sharpies*
Ariadne, yes you don't need to stand in the line of fire, nor do you need to feel guilt about getting out of the way, but it still hurts.
MUCHO HUGS!!!
 
Jcakes said:
Qft
Click to expand...

The absolute truth.

Cyrax said:
Said something similar to my manager. She was talking about doing job that you love and such. I'm like: yeah that's great when you have enough money by yourself or a wife that makes good money, but i simply can't afford to just do what i like and then hope i get paid enough to keep paying for my house and such. I don't think she really got it.
Click to expand...

I'm with you. I don't love accounting and taxes, but there is no way I'll make what I do in a laborer type job which is something I would prefer. I'd rather be working with my hands, but then I'd have to take half my pay as a cut, and that doesn't work for a guy with a family and a house.
 
Pyrotechnician said:
I'm with you. I don't love accounting and taxes, but there is no way I'll make what I do in a laborer type job which is something I would prefer. I'd rather be working with my hands, but then I'd have to take half my pay as a cut, and that doesn't work for a guy with a family and a house.
Click to expand...

That's funny, because that was my exact situation. I was going to college to get my accounting degree when I decided I couldn't handle sitting behind a desk for the next 40 years. But that was when I was like 20 with no kids and a working wife, so it was much easier then.


The boss has declared today to be a snow day, so I guess he's not all bad after all!
 
I'm never here physically, so drawing would be hard.

*serves Dew

*serves wine

*serves sangria

*serves tequila

*disappears
 
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