@TRM: well, my plan is extraordinarily similar, but a few points need clarification:
Step the First: Have a romantic affair with a woman who is not at all right for you, then spend several years trying to forget her.
Step the Second: Fall deeply, madly in love with 'perfect woman' and pursue things till the point where you're on one knee, gazing fondly up at her with a ring in your outstretched hand.
Step the Third: Get rejected.
Step the Fourth: Fall into a deep, dark hole of self-loathing.
Step the Fifth: In an attempt to pick yourself up, quit drinking and drugs for at least 2 years.
Step the Sixth: Spend aforementioned years studying fiendishly, get a BA and move on to Grad school, where you begin drinking heavily again.
Step the Seventh: Attend a grad program where all the other men in your department are homosexual, and where all the women are busy chasing undergraduate drug dealers and/or tenured professors.
Step the Eighth: Come to the realization that your recent attempts at romantic engagement have been with women who are completely wrong for you. In attempts to cope with this new knowledge withdraw from all but the most important social activities and increase consumption of alcohol.
Step the Ninth: Complete aforementioned grad program, but fail to secure employment of any sort.
Step the Tenth: Waste a year hunting for a job in a big city, preferably one that is at least 45 miles from your residence, thereby ensuring a complete lack of job offers. Failing this, or in addition if you like, make sure your chosen field consists of at least 60% women and 39% homosexual men. Also make sure that entry-level positions in said profession go exclusively to long-legged and/or large-breasted (preferably 'enhanced') blond women. This will add an extra layer and wrinkle to job-finding (in)capabilities.
With no job or other source of income, you'll need to curtail any remaining social activities, and instead drink alone in the cheapest, smallest, darkest, stankiest residence you can find/afford. This will ensure 1) that no woman ever wants to engage in romantic activities with you; 2) that even if something did transpire with a woman that you wouldn't be able to function properly due to over-drinking; and 3) that you develop a mild case of agoraphobia and a strong case of absolute fear and trembling even the thought of pursuing any sort of romantic engagement.
Step the Eleventh: Move back in with your parents. This will only serve to provide you an opportunity to save what little $$ you have remaining. Since you've already eschewed social engagements in favor of drinking alone, and since you've already developed extreme fright at the thought of romantic engagement, you'll have little opportunity to meet anyone, let alone any women whether they be right or wrong for you.
Step the Twelfth: [This is the hard one, for me anyway] Come to accept the fact that you're exceedingly likely to spend the rest of your life alone and try to take your mother's hints regarding grandchildren with very few grains of salt. Also attempt to ignore the biological imperative to procreate: replace, preferably, with the emotional imperative to drink to excess at any and every opportunity.
That's worked fairly well so far for me, so I'll also be skipping Esso's reading recommendation, but I will pass him an Earl Grey.
Despite my desire to be nap-free today, I desperately need one. Keep some LongHammer on ice for me, and I'll be back for it after naps and walking the dog.
Edit: Post nap and Post dog-walk @102degrees F, I'm ready for that LongHammer. And keep em coming!
Cheers, bar! :guiness: