Episode 24. In which Rödluvan is Unsafe for Work
Maltatai: This series include absurd and completely exaggerated archetypical behavior, self-centered nonsense from the authors part and internal logic that lacks credibility and defies reality. The present episode is extremely unsuitable and should not be read by anyone. Still here? Well, that shows how effective these kinds of beginning disclaimers are...
Random Bickering Amazon: No, you are TOTALLY wrong. I am quite right.
Random Other Bickering Amazon: On the contrary - YOU are wrong.
Maltatai: That's right. I don't even bother writing out the names of the quarrellers any more.
Random Bickering Amazon: YOU are preposterous.
Maltatai: Hi. How are things?
Snövit: The prodigal chronicler returns!
Askungen: What have you been up to?
Maltatai: Yes, yes, I know, please excuse my absence. The thing is, me and my Hydra Sorceress have purchased a boat at the end of the summer and we have had much to do with having it dry docked for the winter and acquiring additional gear. In my world there isn't the alternative of just heading off to plunder a random demon lords inventory but on the other hand it's generally easier to find something of actual use...
Snövit: Is it a sailing boat?
Maltatai: Duuuuh! Do ships have bows?
Askungen: Tssshihihi! Bad influence seems to be exerted by both protagonists and chronicler.
Snövit: You...are SEABORNE now!
Maltatai: Remember that we have ice during the winter and beach our smaller vessels but technically, yes.
Rödluvan: AWESOME!
Snövit: Can you sleep in it during longer voyages?
Maltatai: Yes, look, I brought a picture...
Rödluvan: BEAUTIFUL! All RED!
Maltatai: That's a bit of exaggeration, look, the lower part of the hull is dark blue with a little white and the deck and cabin is white...
Rödluvan: PETTY DETAILS!
Askungen: What's that material? And what's she called?
Maltatai: It's a cast plastic hull. The material does not exist in Sanctuary but it's something akin to stiff rubber maybe, with a smooth surface. And well, ehm, being very vividly red we have named her Rödluvan actually...
Rödluvan: "Hugs"
Askungen: That was kind of cute of you.
Maltatai: Mmmmf! I need to breathe if I'm going to tell more about Rödluvan, Rödluvan.
Rödluvan: Right, captain! Or wait a moment, which one of you is captain? Will you take turns?
Maltatai: That is currently a debated topic. The prerogative of being the last to leave the vessel and ordering the other to safety in the case of an emergency is fiercely vied for by the whole crew.
Snövit: Tie yourselves together so you count as only one crewmember and jump together. Matter resolved.
Maltatai: That's an...unrestricted way of counting.
Snövit: Ha! I am after all the master of liberal economical thinking here.
Maltatai: But since the question is not yet finally settled I suppose you will all have to address me as captain and consider me invested with the full authority stemming from such a position until anything else is settled in the matter...
Askungen: Dream on!
Rödluvan: Speaking of dreams, do you have beds on board?
Maltatai: Yes, there are room enough for four, unless they are of Barbarian size. Two can sleep together before the mast. Or more accurately before the portal with the huge wooden beam that the mast rests on and which tall persons like me are liable to run into with their heads...
Snövit: Eh, Maltatai, you know how sailors and shipbuilders often claim that a ship has something of a personality of it's own in the way she sails and behaves otherwise? We usually call it the ships spirit on the Amazonian Islands.
Maltatai: Yes. I would probably count myself among those.
Snövit: And would you also agree that the ships spirit is affected by the actions of her crew?
Maltatai: Well, yes, I suppose. If you care a lot for your ship she will at some point hold together when she would be expected to break down. A captain with no devotion to his vessel is unworthy.
Snövit: Then what on EARTH and SEA where you thinking when you named a boat where you two intend to sleep Rödluvan!?
Maltatai: Hm, I...we...it's not that funny, Rödluvan.
Rödluvan: "Smiles even broader"
Askungen: What is Rödluvans spirit like?
Maltatai: Of all boats I have been on she sails better than all but one. The rig is well oiled and tended to and hoisting the sails is almost ridiculously easy. She is well tended to, having lived with a nice crew but needs a new coat inside, nothing major. When I tell her to turn, she obeys...unlike some other boats I could think of... Unlike some others, this fish has fins.
Snövit: Awwww...
Askungen: Do you have any animals onboard?
Maltatai: Most notably the spiders.
Askungen: No!
Maltatai: All small sailing boats seem to have them. They like nesting inside the mast and you generally find some when dismasting during autumn. They're quite cool, bungy jumping down to the ground away from you, and don't cause any trouble.
Askungen: Maltatai! Don't be fooled...
Snövit: Will you be doing repairs and stuff now before next summer?
Maltatai: Yes, that's commonly done during spring. Now we have set up a sort of metal skeleton holding covers tied up to ward off the rain and snow, like a tent pretty much. There is some rust at the keel and new painting needed on the underside of the hull... And then you often polish and wax the upper part to gain a little speed but it's strictly speaking not necessary unless you intent to compete. It helps to keep dirt off, though, and looks nice. And the wooden parts should be oiled regularly, as well as all moving parts in the blocks and most screws of various types...what is it, Rödluvan?
Rödluvan: "Blissfull gaze"
Snövit: Someone is getting funny ideas...
Rödluvan: "Smiles wider than ever"
Maltatai: Are you in any way inclined to share it or do you want us to keep guessing for the rest of the chapter?
Rödluvan: Aaaaanything you wish, my sweet captain, "purrrr..."
Maltatai: What is this about, have you any idea how much you are overdoing your character?
Rödluvan: Oh, I think you have earned the sweetest of words...because TECHNICALLY SPEAKING you and your sorceress have just so gently put me in my bed and pulled a blanket over me under which I will be sleeping during the winter...dreaming of spring with my two first mates...
Snövit: "Blushes"
Maltatai: "Facepalm"
Rödluvan: ...TECHNICALLY SPEAKING oiling and rubbing me thoroughly until I get splashingly wet...
Maltatai: ...from launching into the sea, yes, but there won't be much of a splash because you keep the boats secured with ropes...
Rödluvan: ...oooh, tied up as well - exciting! And as you said, the better you rub, the quicker I go!
Maltatai: Technically speaking: Shut up.
Rödluvan: And after a long day of efforts you can both TECHNICALLY SPEAKING fall asleep in my arms...
Maltatai: GOOD. NIGHT.
Rödluvan: Can I have a picture of my two captains? It's nothing weird with having a picture of the captain on board a ship after all...but I have heard that sometimes you can have really hot pictures and since one is a fiery sorceress it would only be natural that the pictures are equally hot and...
Maltatai: "Pulls blanket over Rödluvans head" Over and out.
Random Bickering Amazon: No, you are TOTALLY wrong. I am quite right.
Random Other Bickering Amazon: On the contrary - YOU are wrong.
Maltatai: That's right. I don't even bother writing out the names of the quarrellers any more.
Random Bickering Amazon: YOU are preposterous.
Maltatai: Hi. How are things?
Snövit: The prodigal chronicler returns!
Askungen: What have you been up to?
Maltatai: Yes, yes, I know, please excuse my absence. The thing is, me and my Hydra Sorceress have purchased a boat at the end of the summer and we have had much to do with having it dry docked for the winter and acquiring additional gear. In my world there isn't the alternative of just heading off to plunder a random demon lords inventory but on the other hand it's generally easier to find something of actual use...
Snövit: Is it a sailing boat?
Maltatai: Duuuuh! Do ships have bows?
Askungen: Tssshihihi! Bad influence seems to be exerted by both protagonists and chronicler.
Snövit: You...are SEABORNE now!
Maltatai: Remember that we have ice during the winter and beach our smaller vessels but technically, yes.
Rödluvan: AWESOME!
Snövit: Can you sleep in it during longer voyages?
Maltatai: Yes, look, I brought a picture...
Rödluvan: BEAUTIFUL! All RED!
Maltatai: That's a bit of exaggeration, look, the lower part of the hull is dark blue with a little white and the deck and cabin is white...
Rödluvan: PETTY DETAILS!
Askungen: What's that material? And what's she called?
Maltatai: It's a cast plastic hull. The material does not exist in Sanctuary but it's something akin to stiff rubber maybe, with a smooth surface. And well, ehm, being very vividly red we have named her Rödluvan actually...
Rödluvan: "Hugs"
Askungen: That was kind of cute of you.
Maltatai: Mmmmf! I need to breathe if I'm going to tell more about Rödluvan, Rödluvan.
Rödluvan: Right, captain! Or wait a moment, which one of you is captain? Will you take turns?
Maltatai: That is currently a debated topic. The prerogative of being the last to leave the vessel and ordering the other to safety in the case of an emergency is fiercely vied for by the whole crew.
Snövit: Tie yourselves together so you count as only one crewmember and jump together. Matter resolved.
Maltatai: That's an...unrestricted way of counting.
Snövit: Ha! I am after all the master of liberal economical thinking here.
Maltatai: But since the question is not yet finally settled I suppose you will all have to address me as captain and consider me invested with the full authority stemming from such a position until anything else is settled in the matter...
Askungen: Dream on!
Rödluvan: Speaking of dreams, do you have beds on board?
Maltatai: Yes, there are room enough for four, unless they are of Barbarian size. Two can sleep together before the mast. Or more accurately before the portal with the huge wooden beam that the mast rests on and which tall persons like me are liable to run into with their heads...
Snövit: Eh, Maltatai, you know how sailors and shipbuilders often claim that a ship has something of a personality of it's own in the way she sails and behaves otherwise? We usually call it the ships spirit on the Amazonian Islands.
Maltatai: Yes. I would probably count myself among those.
Snövit: And would you also agree that the ships spirit is affected by the actions of her crew?
Maltatai: Well, yes, I suppose. If you care a lot for your ship she will at some point hold together when she would be expected to break down. A captain with no devotion to his vessel is unworthy.
Snövit: Then what on EARTH and SEA where you thinking when you named a boat where you two intend to sleep Rödluvan!?
Maltatai: Hm, I...we...it's not that funny, Rödluvan.
Rödluvan: "Smiles even broader"
Askungen: What is Rödluvans spirit like?
Maltatai: Of all boats I have been on she sails better than all but one. The rig is well oiled and tended to and hoisting the sails is almost ridiculously easy. She is well tended to, having lived with a nice crew but needs a new coat inside, nothing major. When I tell her to turn, she obeys...unlike some other boats I could think of... Unlike some others, this fish has fins.
Snövit: Awwww...
Askungen: Do you have any animals onboard?
Maltatai: Most notably the spiders.
Askungen: No!
Maltatai: All small sailing boats seem to have them. They like nesting inside the mast and you generally find some when dismasting during autumn. They're quite cool, bungy jumping down to the ground away from you, and don't cause any trouble.
Askungen: Maltatai! Don't be fooled...
Snövit: Will you be doing repairs and stuff now before next summer?
Maltatai: Yes, that's commonly done during spring. Now we have set up a sort of metal skeleton holding covers tied up to ward off the rain and snow, like a tent pretty much. There is some rust at the keel and new painting needed on the underside of the hull... And then you often polish and wax the upper part to gain a little speed but it's strictly speaking not necessary unless you intent to compete. It helps to keep dirt off, though, and looks nice. And the wooden parts should be oiled regularly, as well as all moving parts in the blocks and most screws of various types...what is it, Rödluvan?
Rödluvan: "Blissfull gaze"
Snövit: Someone is getting funny ideas...
Rödluvan: "Smiles wider than ever"
Maltatai: Are you in any way inclined to share it or do you want us to keep guessing for the rest of the chapter?
Rödluvan: Aaaaanything you wish, my sweet captain, "purrrr..."
Maltatai: What is this about, have you any idea how much you are overdoing your character?
Rödluvan: Oh, I think you have earned the sweetest of words...because TECHNICALLY SPEAKING you and your sorceress have just so gently put me in my bed and pulled a blanket over me under which I will be sleeping during the winter...dreaming of spring with my two first mates...
Snövit: "Blushes"
Maltatai: "Facepalm"
Rödluvan: ...TECHNICALLY SPEAKING oiling and rubbing me thoroughly until I get splashingly wet...
Maltatai: ...from launching into the sea, yes, but there won't be much of a splash because you keep the boats secured with ropes...
Rödluvan: ...oooh, tied up as well - exciting! And as you said, the better you rub, the quicker I go!
Maltatai: Technically speaking: Shut up.
Rödluvan: And after a long day of efforts you can both TECHNICALLY SPEAKING fall asleep in my arms...
Maltatai: GOOD. NIGHT.
Rödluvan: Can I have a picture of my two captains? It's nothing weird with having a picture of the captain on board a ship after all...but I have heard that sometimes you can have really hot pictures and since one is a fiery sorceress it would only be natural that the pictures are equally hot and...
Maltatai: "Pulls blanket over Rödluvans head" Over and out.