kamap said:
scalpel to search for it.
Nothing quite that dramatic.
For the past month or two, I've known I will quit my current work. I do too much, and want so little.
Basically, this job requires us to work away overnights. That was all good, until I developed my "home time." I started training aikido outside of work hours. But, being required to work outside of work, on overnight stays and travels prevents me from training aikido in my "own time."
I have known for a while that the required "overnights" don't work for me, and have created issue with my boss for about half a year. This job requires overnights, and after two years, I am no longer happy offering my overnights for no compensation for my time. Knowing this period of overnights was coming up, I accepted: "I knew it was coming, and what it would be, so until after this period, I would accept it. Afterwards, I'm done with it."
This period (until late January, early Feb,) has just started, and I have been surprised with unexpected "overnights" longer than previously expected. My expected was three-days, every two weeks. Last week, was ALL week. In two weeks, will be ALL week.
What I expected was okay, as I knew it would be like this for 5-6 months - I accepted this - but I keep getting surprised with these unexpected overnights.
I want to cut these overnights, so I don't have to keep making excuses for aikido training. I accepted three days every two weeks until mid-late January, as I knew they were coming 5-6 months in advance. But it's these unexpected overnights that continue popping up! I found out today (after my boss knows how uncontent I am with them at this stage) that in two weeks, I will be away the whole week! - that's something I didn't expect, and there's no way out without completely ****ing my boss over.)
Do I want to train aikido, or are these just excuses to not attend training. I can't get into a routine with what I want. I haven't contacted my training in 1.5 months, and it's getting longer. I can't attend regularly something I payed for, and I'm not being compensated for my personal time.
I know this isn't the job for me beyond early next year. This job requires overnight trips - I've done that for two years now. But I started training again with the intention of being serious. These random 'overnight works' with little notice have prevented a good training routine. I agreed to this period (2 nights every two weeks,) knowing it was coming 6 months ago. But those two nights every two weeks keeps getting extended. I'm away a full week in two weeks time! Something out of what I expected.
In brief, I knew I'd be working away two nights, every two weeks. I knew this 6 months ago, and as I knew this that long ago, I accepted it. But it's no longer two nights every two weeks. Last week, I was away all week. In two weeks, I will be away all week. It's more than (mentally,) I expected and (mentally,) agreed to. This job isn't right for me, as I am no longer willing to give my personal, out-of-work time for free. But even though I accepted 'some' time away until late January, more and more time is expected for me to be away. More than I was willing to give. And this amount of time, I am less willing to give.
As this job (and its overnights) no longer suits me, and I no longer suit this job (the job requires "uncompensated overnights",) I will be looking to move on.
I live by the attitude that on the road, everyone else is on the road is out to kill you. It's a good mentality to live by, as you keep an eye on everyone, and drive safely - others **** up, but you don't. I was nearly crushed by a truck on the way home today. I went to overtake - he obviously took one glance in the mirror and didn't see me with his single glance. So, as I'm overtaking, he doesn't re-check his mirror, at 90km/hour. He nearly crushes me as I'm beside him, with my horn blazing, and brakes almost locked up (I didn't lock up, but I broke as heavily as I could without locking up.) I've driven semi-heavy vehicles, and know some of the difficulty heavy vehicles have - he ****ed up by not re-checking his mirror, and failing to indicate properly.
Heavy vehicles, in part, go by "others will get out of your way." In this case though, he absolutely failed at driving. He didn't re-check, he entered a lane he shouldn't have, and he wasn't aware of his surroundings. And I, at 90+km/hr, could've been crushed and killed by him. Don't expect others to do the right thing, because they won't. They, as other humans, will fail, and the end result is the death of someone else. Not their ****ing problem, as they'll live on.