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Vessel of Hatred

Etdlahq Memorial Bar - your shelter from forum crashes

Thanks, Jcakes! It's good to be back. Sorry to have missed stegs, but glad he's getting back to RL.

Speaking of RL, it's busy enough that I'm silly to be thinking if starting up again, what with work, wife, and God (not in that order) keeping me tied up and away from my more serious hobbies. But I expect I can make an hour or two a couple of times a week, maybe, to play, and this installation was the easiest yet, thanks to more advanced wine wrappers, so GoGo.

Have I missed anything important?
 
Nothing much, this old place keeps ticking over, people come and go and the only constant is that bar posts going up.
 
Friday evening, I knew I'd 'let go' tonight (been a week away with work, with things I currently "let go of"), but I'm glad I realised just how "I'm feeling". I'm "worn out". I don't know if it's a couple of things, or just a lot piling on top of each other, but my own mind and these forums are my outlet at the exact moment.

*digs rut deeper*
*cuddles others in rut*

I know this is the last "period" I will agree to working overnights with the current company. This is the last time I agree to. But I. Don't. Know. I knew it was coming, so I agreed to let it be, but... There's nothing in my head, but still so much. Am I overwhelmed by what I want to do, or is it just that I don't want to do it? Do I want to search my innerself, or just believe my current thought that humans, in general, suck (politely)?
 
Not all humans suck but a big bunch really do suck.

If you do want to look for your inner self, I would advice against using a scalpel to search for it.

I do hope you can get out of the rut you are currently in.
 
kamap said:
scalpel to search for it.
Click to expand...
Nothing quite that dramatic.

For the past month or two, I've known I will quit my current work. I do too much, and want so little.

Basically, this job requires us to work away overnights. That was all good, until I developed my "home time." I started training aikido outside of work hours. But, being required to work outside of work, on overnight stays and travels prevents me from training aikido in my "own time."
I have known for a while that the required "overnights" don't work for me, and have created issue with my boss for about half a year. This job requires overnights, and after two years, I am no longer happy offering my overnights for no compensation for my time. Knowing this period of overnights was coming up, I accepted: "I knew it was coming, and what it would be, so until after this period, I would accept it. Afterwards, I'm done with it."
This period (until late January, early Feb,) has just started, and I have been surprised with unexpected "overnights" longer than previously expected. My expected was three-days, every two weeks. Last week, was ALL week. In two weeks, will be ALL week.
What I expected was okay, as I knew it would be like this for 5-6 months - I accepted this - but I keep getting surprised with these unexpected overnights.

I want to cut these overnights, so I don't have to keep making excuses for aikido training. I accepted three days every two weeks until mid-late January, as I knew they were coming 5-6 months in advance. But it's these unexpected overnights that continue popping up! I found out today (after my boss knows how uncontent I am with them at this stage) that in two weeks, I will be away the whole week! - that's something I didn't expect, and there's no way out without completely ****ing my boss over.)

Do I want to train aikido, or are these just excuses to not attend training. I can't get into a routine with what I want. I haven't contacted my training in 1.5 months, and it's getting longer. I can't attend regularly something I payed for, and I'm not being compensated for my personal time.

I know this isn't the job for me beyond early next year. This job requires overnight trips - I've done that for two years now. But I started training again with the intention of being serious. These random 'overnight works' with little notice have prevented a good training routine. I agreed to this period (2 nights every two weeks,) knowing it was coming 6 months ago. But those two nights every two weeks keeps getting extended. I'm away a full week in two weeks time! Something out of what I expected.

In brief, I knew I'd be working away two nights, every two weeks. I knew this 6 months ago, and as I knew this that long ago, I accepted it. But it's no longer two nights every two weeks. Last week, I was away all week. In two weeks, I will be away all week. It's more than (mentally,) I expected and (mentally,) agreed to. This job isn't right for me, as I am no longer willing to give my personal, out-of-work time for free. But even though I accepted 'some' time away until late January, more and more time is expected for me to be away. More than I was willing to give. And this amount of time, I am less willing to give.

As this job (and its overnights) no longer suits me, and I no longer suit this job (the job requires "uncompensated overnights",) I will be looking to move on.

I live by the attitude that on the road, everyone else is on the road is out to kill you. It's a good mentality to live by, as you keep an eye on everyone, and drive safely - others **** up, but you don't. I was nearly crushed by a truck on the way home today. I went to overtake - he obviously took one glance in the mirror and didn't see me with his single glance. So, as I'm overtaking, he doesn't re-check his mirror, at 90km/hour. He nearly crushes me as I'm beside him, with my horn blazing, and brakes almost locked up (I didn't lock up, but I broke as heavily as I could without locking up.) I've driven semi-heavy vehicles, and know some of the difficulty heavy vehicles have - he ****ed up by not re-checking his mirror, and failing to indicate properly.

Heavy vehicles, in part, go by "others will get out of your way." In this case though, he absolutely failed at driving. He didn't re-check, he entered a lane he shouldn't have, and he wasn't aware of his surroundings. And I, at 90+km/hr, could've been crushed and killed by him. Don't expect others to do the right thing, because they won't. They, as other humans, will fail, and the end result is the death of someone else. Not their ****ing problem, as they'll live on.
 
Totally sucks, Drystan. I'm so sorry.

We all need to say "no" more often. I personally have no trouble saying no. It's one if my favorite words. Life is just too short to be miserable.

*serves assorted delicious pastries and hot chocolate
 
I agree with Goldtru, if the boss can't accept a no if he asks something that isn't in your contract, then he aint a good boss.

Start looking for another job or make sure your boss gets it that you agree to certain times but nothing more then what is in your contract.

The scalpel thing was a joke btw.
 
I'm not looking forward to cleaning out my apartment (10 bags?)

*serves Dew

*serves wine

*serves tequila
 
kamap said:
that isn't in your contract, then he aint a good boss.
Click to expand...
It sort of it. Upon commencing this job, I knew that overnights were required. It's just that two years on, my commitments have changed. My time has changed. And that overnights no longer suit me.
I enjoyed the overnights for almost two years, and as I knew this 2/night-3/day work every second week was coming up in advance by at least half a year, I accepted it as part of the job, and am okay with it.
The problem is that last week, I was told I was heading away one day in advance - and that one, I made an issue of. Yesterday, I was told that on my week back here (the alternate week to the 2night/3day,) I will be away all week.
These 'surprise/unexpected' away trips have been popping up for a month now without warning. I felt okay with the 2night/3day because I knew about it ages ago, and mentally accepted them. These surprise away trips are the challenge, as they keep coming up where "there is no other choice."

As I committed mentally to the 2night/3day every second week, I'm okay with them until the end of that job (late January,) and will then be looking for work (maybe sooner to be honest.) But this job, requiring overnights, no longer suits me - and I don't suit the position, as I will not commit to any overnights after January.

kamap said:
The scalpel thing was a joke btw.
Click to expand...
Yeah... I know - probably not in the mindset for humour. My bad. :)

It's gotten really quiet here.

*lights tumbleweed as it passes, heading towards penguin*
 
tumbleweeds aren't really fun when they blow across the roads over here.

*serves Dew

*serves wine

*serves sangria
 
I'm stressed from work and can't seem to let it go. So I'm still grumpy and not very social. Have to have guests tomorrow for the monthly card game and will have to be social. Not looking forward to it.

I just can't understand why you put people to do a job they have no clue about. I fixed something not at all in my job description yesterday and today got a mail "you can test once I have checked that every papertype is correct". Of course that bloody idiot reversed my fix and messed it up again. Luckily the head IT guy from the mother company (he shouldn't have to, but he got as frustrated as I was) took charge of it while I was solidly swearing for about 5 mins. All he did was to change it back to my fix and when I asked if he explained it to the other guy he said " I tried, but only god knows if he understood".

*much wine please*

Drystan: Get a new job!

James: Congrats! Didn't read you were about to. Hope you two live happily ever after!

Zokar: There is space in my cupboard for you!

*cuddles bar*
 
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