Long introduction following:
Once upon a time, in a country far, far, far away from whatever country you may live in, there lived a girl called London Hilton. She was very rich, because her daddy owned a chain of taverns all through the world, where people forked over large amounts of money in a box on which the following message had been placed: 'Please fork over large amounts of money, for I have a teenage daughter.'
This particular teenage girl liked lots of shiny golden and green items to accessorize with, and so she took her daddy shopping with her on a sporadic basis. For her, sporadic was about twice a week. For daddy, each time felt like the Lord of Terror himself had gotten a hold of his heart and squeezed whenever his daughter would come around and say: 'Oh daddy, I GOTTA have this or I will just DIE!'
As she was nearing her eighteenth birthday, she took daddy shopping again. She had found a lovely little cuirass to wear, namely Haemosu's Adamant. She liked the swirly patterns... After daddy had bought that one, she pointed excitedly at Ondal's Almighty. She figured it would blow all this wannabe 'crown' wearers away at the coming dance.
So once Daddy had mortgaged his thirteenth tavern for the second time to pay for it, and promised a loanshark his third kidney as collateral for the cash to buy the crown, little London skipped home happily... leaving Daddy Dearest to carry the loot of the day.
Sadly enough for daddy though, the street is very long, and all sorts of shopowners had discovered the joy that was London Hilton, so they had all flocked to that street just to sell their wares to her. And since they had gotten to know her taste quite well over the years, about every other window display managed to catch her interest. And this time, it was M'avina's True Sight that caught her eye. So by the time daddy had caught up with his offspring, she was happily admiring her reflection as she was wearing the diadem. Daddy took one look at the price tag, realized that he had no more organs left to use as collateral, barring his heart which the Lord of Terror just now squeezed extra hard. So he fainted on the street.
When he came to, London was perched over him and said: "Daddy, you had me worried! If you had died, I wouldn't be able to buy that diadem! It will be epic!"
But daddy had had enough. With a roar he stood up and said: "I just bought a crown for you, and now you want a diadem? Forget it! If you want a diadem, you can go and fetch one yourself!"
London pouted: "But daddy!!!! You have money, and I don't, and if I go and make money, I could chip my fingernails..."
Daddy wasn't mollified: "Wear gloves. You have about 4000 pair at home anyway. I'm done. I'm not buying anything for you anymore!"
London became worried: "But daaaaddy... I really need this to be happy. Don't you want me to be happy?"
Daddy said: "I am not stopping you pumpkin pie. If you want it, go get it. All of the items you see in these shops are delivered by adventurers who kill demons for them. So learn how to kill demons, and get your own!"
London was quite vexed with her daddy about that, but sadly, all her wheedling didn't help this time. If she wanted it, she had to go kill yucky things. So she went out to see what she could learn in order to kill yucky things. Her first option was magic, since she figured that would be really cool. Especially fireballs and stuff, because she could totally use those as special effects on her party, or like, to torch whichever women dared to enter with outdated fashion or an outfit identical to her own. Sadly enough, London did not have any magical talent whatshowever. She was quite amazed by that, because she knew herself to be an incredibly talented, bright young lady, but alas, she couldn't gainsay the facts. So she decided to try the bow.
Three months, twenty different teachers (of which three were accidentally killed by unlucky shots, which raised the costs to hire more enormously) and 10 different bows later, she had to come to the conclusion that she wasn't capable of firing a single good shot. That really left only one option.
So she went to the arena, and said to the battle master: "I want to learn how to wield a big sword, so I can kill demons and get my own diadem." The arenamaster was a man of little words and much cynicism, so rather then try to talk her out of it, he just handed her a huge Zweihander. All of the fghters were entertained for the next half an hour, while the poor girl tried to lift the sword to the ready position. Finally, exasperated, she tossed it back on the sand and left.
But London was not defeated, not by a long shot(pardon the pun). She went to the gym, and started to work out. She had to have that diadem, and for that, she needed to be able to lift that sword. It took her all of three days, however, to find out that going to the gym was a lot of hard work with very little to show for it. London did not like that, and so she looked for alternative options. And being a resourceful, still reasonably rich girl opens a lot of doors. It also opened the door to the illegal drugs. There was this one drug, 'ye olde testosterone', which purportedly would help her quickly gain muscletone, with some minor side effects. London liked the 'quickly gaining muscle' bit, and didn't pay much attention to the rest, so she bought the entire stock against three times the going rate.
Over the next three months, she religiously worked out and used the wonderdrug. To great effect, she was pleased to note. Her strength multiplied twentyfold, and her biceps were now truly impressive. Something else had grown as well, namely her pecs. Sadly enough, her more womanly bits had sort of disappeared in the mass of pecs she had on her chest. Another side effect seemed to be hair loss. That annoyed her mightily, but as mentioned, she was resourceful. Eventually, she just shaved herself bald, barring one braid hanging down the back of her neck. Her tone of voice had also changed slightly. Whereas she used to be a dulcet soprano, she now sounded like a gnarled, veteran sergeant cussing his men out.
She felt she was ready for another go in the arena.
Once there, she walked to the rack with the zweihander in it, and lifted the entire rack with one arm. Then she walked over to the arena master, lifted him with her other arm, and asked him, in her sweetly, not so dulcetty veteran sergeant voice: "Enough of a demonstration for you?"
The arena master was far too busy being strangled to enjoy the demonstration, but he got the point of her message almost immediately. So he started teaching her how to handle swords and axes and other big, menacing weapons. He charged her five times the normal amount, mostly because she kept on making the same rookie mistakes. Finally, after about two months of practice and more of that 'ye olde testosterone' crap in her body, he figured she was capable enough not to stab herself in the foot anymore, and so he took the last of her money, and gave her a lift to an encampment far, far away. London was finally ready to collect her own collection of lovely green and golden items!
PS. This character is entirely fictional. If by coincidence any reader should share the first name with any of the characters, this should be considered to be entirely coincidental.
So yes,
London_Hilton will be a
Barbarian. I probably won't be playing very often, as I don't do much diablo at all these days, but I'll see if I can't do a bit every now and then.
