Once upon a time there was a very hot and burning sorceress named Marlotta. She was so fiery that her armour became black as coal except the studded leather breastplate, which she gave to her hired town guard and waiter from time to time so it would cool down a bit. Marlotta had to drink blue water potions constantly to sustain her searing flames for a longer time. She was also very immature and childish even after reaching level 82 and frequently tormented her waiter Pratham with stupid jests such as conjuring hot clouds over his head and then daring him to play hide and seek as she teleported away.
Marlotta: Hihihihihahaha!
Pratham: Not again!
Skills (with Hexfire):
Fire Wall: 20 (23)
Fire Ball: 20 (23)
Meteor: 20 (23)
Fire Mastery: 20 (23)
Fire Boolt: 7 (10)
Enchant: 1 (4)
Prerequisites: 1 (4)
Telekinesis: 1
Teleport: 1
Stats with gear equipped:
Strength: 81
Dexterity: 125
Vitality: 312
Energy: 35
Life: 1014
Mana: 263
Equipment:
Hexfire/Marlotta’s Spineripper and Whitstans Guard socketed with a Perfect Diamond
Want of Lifetap/Lower Resist and Ancients Pledge in a Kite Shield
Irathas Coil (crown) with 15 resist all jewel (found the jewel in early normal if I remember correctly!)
Irathas Cuff
Irathas Collar
Irathas Cord
Twitchthroe socketed with a Tal rune
Marlotta’s Goblin Toe
Scintillating ring of the fox (15 resist all)
Crafted ring with 66 mana, 4 pdr and 23 lightning resists
Inventory filled with cube and charms for resists and life and a little poison damage
Treasure hunting gear:
Gull
Crown and Gothic plate with perfect topazes
2 Nagelrings
Pratham the Praying, town guard.
Treachery
Rare mancatcher with 40 enhanced damage and 5-115 lightning damage
Great helm with 3 Sol runes
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Progress
Normal and Nightmare was not especially difficult. The most remarkable things that happened were the lucky item finds I guess. At last I succeeded in collecting Irathas set! I also found Gull early enough to gain many interesting items from Andariel and others.
During all of normal and nightmare Marlotta had been relying on discretion and teleport to stay out of harms way. I had hoped to break immunities with the wand and find enough equipment to let Pratham deal with the others successfully. Then Marlotta toasted nightmare Baal and what little trinkets glimmered on the ground if not Twiththroe and Whitstans Guard! Never have a character of mine gotten such a One moment fragile caster, another moment – queen stabbity-stab…stab stab…kill kill…
Yes, jumping through hellish fire immunes with teleport and a little poignard. But it works! Spineripper actually owns, ignoring target defence and preventing monster heal. With the obscene blocking bonuses, Marlotta could reach 75% without running dangerously low on life. Early in hell I discovered that breaking immunities was not only impossible in most cases but also worthless in others. Then I started to run into the Blood Clan. Their bosses cut through Pratham in a most depressing manner. I cursed myself for not having kept that wand of lifetap I found earlier. Then I started to shop for one and spent ages at that. Until I happened to open the cube and saw…a wand of lifetap that I had earlier left inside. There is no facepalm smiley large enough to describe that moment…
From there, things started to work out much better. I had not found the runes for Treachery yet which was most annoying. Prathams poking was thoroughly pathetic throughout the game actually. Andariels poison was dangerous for the hireling but she burned like usual. I think Duriel fell rather quickly and Pratham tanked well, but I don’t remember so much about act 2 and 3. The Durance of Hate and the slimy sewers and dungeons where other undead dolls live were horribly scary as usual. I hate dolls more than any other monster (except possibly for Talic).
Then, the dreaded Act 4. Filled with fire immunes and big melee monsters. Yes, quite hard. The wide open spaces makes it quite good for a teleporting character though. The most dangerous foes were the doom knights. Venom lords and such where not so hard. And, since Hexfire and Irathas set gives 95 % fire resist, the fire attacks were not exactly noteworthy:
Marlotta:
There seem to be a warm breeze blowing today.
Pratham: For your information my lady, that is the inferno from venom lords, the bugged attack that have become the nr 1 danger here since Iron Maiden was removed.
Marlotta: Sure?
Pratham: Yep.
Marlotta: Then this is not a bodybuilder with horns practicing posing with a replica of the butchers cleaver from Diablo 1?
Pratham: That is a venom lord, my lady. But the difference is hardly noticeable.
Marlotta: "Sigh", Let's get to it then...
(Just had to add those memorable lines)
Sigfrid: Plagiarism!
Azrael: Copycats!
Diablo was easily roasted. Once you get to him there is abundant space to jump around on and the evil bone prison force is thankfully not teleport-proof. It has always struck me as a little strange that fire seem so effective against the red and most hellish of the three.
Marlotta: Burn, burn! Burn with the fires of change! Scream your hymns to Marlotta!
Pratham: I think he is quite roasted now.
Marlotta: Hmm, I guess so. Well then, I think we will take a glass of Chateau de Jerhyn to the Flambeau Terrible. You may serve the wine now, Pratham.
Pratham: With the same procedure as last year, miss Marlotta?
Marlottas: As every year Pratham.
(Pratham trips on a stone on the ground)
I think I found the Lem rune in the remains of Mephsto’s soulstone. It was at least not later than that. Venom made a huge difference against fire immunes and teleport was quite good to catch the little teleporting imps. After a tiresome and long march across the melees of the fields Marlotta could look around in the welcoming ice caves. Here there would surely be many melting and burning things. Which it indeed was, but also scary minotaurs and some fire-proof creatures. Anya was guarded by burning souls, ghosts and cursing witches. A hated and feared combination for many characters but not Marlotta. All of the were easily burned.
I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic.
I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic.
I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic.
I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic.
I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic.
I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic.
I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic.
I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic.
I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic.
I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic.
I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic.
I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic.
I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic. I hate Talic.
WHY must he be constantly immune to fire? Why, why, why, why? Could it not at least be one of the harmless other two? After probably twenty or more rerolls I got a Talic that Pratham could tank and whittle down with his little poking. I had to teleport him away when Talic started to whirl. It was nervous like the name of the difficulty level. The sidekicks of Talic disappeared early on. I guess they got lost among the flames, they could not have died that fast, could they?
The Worldstone Keep greeted me with manageable but hard witches and some other monsters until I found the waypoint and quit. During the last session I faced soul killers on the first level – fire immunes and LOTS of them. One such pack actually rushed to waypoint-trap Marlotta. What a nice start of the gaming day… The next level had doom knights – fire immune and dangerous. Baal was guarded by doom knights, a couple of serpents and…venom lords, who are of course fire immune. Aaaargh! A pack of champion Oblivion Knights stairtrapped Marlotta which was quite frightening but luckily there was nobody on the other side of the stair wall block so Marlotta could escape. At least there were no dolls.
Baals first wave was not immune (which I thought) except of course for Colenzo. They ran around and screamed and rose from the dead for a while. The second wave was tougher than expected. Those mages had some resistance despite their similarity with the worthless horror mages of earlier levels. After many mana potions and lots of running Achmel (whoa actually was cursed as special ability and not only name – style point to him) bit the dust, or stone.
After him came the dreaded council whose hydras apparently got beefed up somewhere in the later patches.
Marlotta: Awww, what a cute little hydra! Come here, do you want some cookies?
Bartuc the Bloody: What the this difficulty level?!
Marlottas: Quiet, back there. You’re scaring them!
Bartuc the Bloody: You’re supposed to die a grim death from their flames! They are terrible monsters!
Marlotta: Monsters? No, no, no, if they were monsters they would have harmed me.
Pratham: “clears his throat loudlyâ€
Marlotta: Oh, right…I’m sure they will behave better once we have gotten to know them. It’s just a temporary inconvenience.
Pratham: I pray it is…
Marlotta: Precisely! Your prayer fills me with life!
Pratham: No! Not the aura! I meant as an idiom!
Bartuc the Bloody: Look, they are MY hydras and they will eat you alive!
Marlotta: Still here? Can’t you take a hint, demon? Get stuffed and stop bother the hydras with your evil commanding.
Bartuc the Bloody: You insolent…
Marlotta: Eat meteors!
Marlotta: That got him. Can we keep them? I promise I will clean up burned rugs and pillows and go out with them! Please, please, please!
Pratham: Keep what? Hydra is a timed spell.
Marlotta: But, they were here… Boooooooo!
The venom lords stayed together in the beginning but after they had gotten a taste for bashing Pratham some got impetuous and broke formation. They were easily stabbed apart by the fearsome spineripper. Actually, they were quite weak. Ventar was enchanted with something useless. Lister was not. He was fire enchanted and extra fast apart from the spectral hit. His minions were a bit harder to split up and way more risky to face. Marlotta was quite good versus them compared to Pratham, due to the prevent monster heal. Pratham was knocked back and stunned so much that he didn’t deal much damage. Wands of life tap rule… Lister himself took a looong time, but not nearly as long or agonising as Talic. Marlotta positioned herself right behind Pratham to prevent him from being knocked back.
Marlotta: You may now serve the minion soup, Pratham.
Pratham: Certainly miss Marlotta.
Marlotta: I think we will have a glass of Red Dwarf brandy to the soup.
Pratham: Is Lister the Tormentor really a hint to Lister on the Red Dwarf ship?
Marlotta: How should I know that? But I hope Baal is tormented by his Lister just like the space Lister torments his superiors. Now serve the brandy!
Pratham: The same procedure as last year, miss Marlotta?
Marlotta: As every year, Pratham!
The lord of destruction himself actually fought fiercely. Appendages were everywhere, clones were cast and teleported from pillar to pillar. Marlotta had changed to a wand of lower resist and of course Hexfire to burn him in the most overpowered and impressive way possible. She teleported across the room to avoid the appendages and drank mana potions like it was Midsummer’s Eve in the sorceress academy. Baal was finally no more than main course!
Marlotta: I think we will take Tristram Beer to the Baal Steak.
Pratham: Same procedure as last year, Miss Marlotta?
Marlotta: Why, the same procedure as every year Pratham!
Pratham: Same procedure as every year…
Marlotta: Mr Prathamroy!
Pratham: Cheeeers miss Marlotta!
Marlotta: Necromancer von Schneider!
Pratham: Schall!
Marlotta: Sir Brian Guilbert!
Pratham: Happy new year Marlotta dear!
Marlotta: What do you mean, new year? It’s almost Midsummer!
Pratham: I don’t know why I said that. Must be all the drinks…
Marlotta: Lady Wintercotton!
Pratham: Well here we are again…
Tyrael: “clears throatâ€
Marlotta: Yes? Can’t you see we’re in the middle of a picnic?
Tyrael: Praise be to the light! You have accomplished the impossible!
Marlotta: Shouldn’t you praise us then and not the light? Stupid heaven, always taking credit for others efforts. You don’t even deserve a capital “hâ€.
Tyrael: Ummm, I was supposed to demolish the worldstone. Would you be so kind to evacuate the building, please? It would be much appreciated. Thank you.
Marlotta: Listen here, I have just finished off the lord of destruction! The least I deserve is to get a chance to finish my dinner undisturbed. Now leave or I’ll set your wings on fire!
Tyrael: But, I have a sacred quest…
Marlotta: Pratham, you may now serve the dessert!
Pratham: Dessert?
Marlotta: Yes, Pratham. I think we will have Archangel Wing* Cake for dessert. I can assist with the cooking if you don’t have any ready. I am sure you will find the ingredients somewhere very near… And to that we would like some port wine.
Pratham: With the same procedure as last year, miss Marlotta?
Marlotta: With the same procedure as every year, Pratham.
*Angel and Archangel wings are made of cream and sugar, which is why they are so white. It is one of the less known facts about the world of Sanctuary and its neighbours.
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Marlotta: Aaaah, that was excellent. I feel great. I think I will cast the Mayhem of Marlotta and then go to bed.
Pratham: Mayhem?
Marlotta: It is a new spell I have been working on. It combines explosions and fire walls. Like this:
Happy Midsummer in advance!