OT: Days of our Lives aka the Beacon's Billboard
- Thread starter Rizzo
- Start date
Thanks.
Not so much. His sheltered accommodation have just given me one week to empty his flat.
I explained I'm rather busy what with a funeral to arrange (can't even get death certificate until Wednesday, so can't speak to funeral directors until then), and I live 90 minutes away and work nights but they don't give a crap.
Whitefriars Housing with Care, Coventry ... thanks for your compassion. Even Talk Talk were better.
Not so much. His sheltered accommodation have just given me one week to empty his flat.
I explained I'm rather busy what with a funeral to arrange (can't even get death certificate until Wednesday, so can't speak to funeral directors until then), and I live 90 minutes away and work nights but they don't give a crap.
Whitefriars Housing with Care, Coventry ... thanks for your compassion. Even Talk Talk were better.
Flat cleared. Well, I left the disability aids there and told them to sort it. That was part of my hour long rant with customer service manager. Along with telling her, no I'm not taking the keys to your office. I live over 50 miles away, you can get 4 miles out of your office to fetch them. I had to ring work one day and tell them that I shouldn't be on the road; too tired. It was the most busy night of the week. Ugh. I did sleep most of the weekend though.
I feel so disrespectful starting to clear his home, even before getting a death certificate. I made a point of explainging to the residents so they didn't think it was my idea. Unfortunately given the rush, I then forgot to ask if anyone wanted momentos. So while a lot of stuff is in my lounge (including 5 boxes of paperwork to sort), a lot got charity shopped. Stuff I remember from my childhood.
It was horrid. No time to reminisce, decide if it was something someone would like, just keep/bin/charity. Incessently. For a week.
Finally got to arrange the funeral. It's Monday. I have the flowers ordered.
We made sure the church (Tom wanted to go ... a whole load of fun for the athiest here trying to sort a service), was wheelchair accessible, and the pub for the munchies afterwards. Yet it doesn't look like any of his friends from his sheltered accommodation will come. I'd rather they didn't kill themselves to get there, but it would have been nice to see them. I'm worried that his closest friend doesn't even know. She was in hospital and if I go and see her, she'll ask me and I'd rather not be responsible for killing her.
My dad says he doesn't want to go to the chapel of rest for a viewing. In fact he said "no, I don't do that". Which is astonishing, given that I clearly remember being PUSHED into it by him when 'we' went to see mum.
One of their sisters died about six weeks ago. One is very ill and won't come. The other says she will, but I doubt she'll make it to the grave. I'm not sure dad will. It's at the back of the cemetary and they used what used to be paths, as new graves. They haven't cut the grass and as many of the graves date back to the 1700-1800's, it's very uneven where they've collapsed or sunk. There are no new plots there anymore, just second interments. If it's even remotely damp, let alone wet or icy, it's going to totally unsuitable for anyone slightly dodgy on their feet.
So, yeah, Monday.
And as a PSA ... make a will. Make it known what you want at your funeral; pre-pay and pre-plan it if possible. Consider doing a legal power of attorney. Get a list of passwords and logins somewhere. I'm lucky in the sense, that most of the companies I've dealt with have been fine. But he was 88 and was not of the electronic age. Many companies get really picky about data protection; Whitefriars wouldn't even recognize my LPA! Do what you can now to make it easier for those left behind. No, it doesn't matter what age you are; do it. No one knows what's happening tomorrow.
I feel so disrespectful starting to clear his home, even before getting a death certificate. I made a point of explainging to the residents so they didn't think it was my idea. Unfortunately given the rush, I then forgot to ask if anyone wanted momentos. So while a lot of stuff is in my lounge (including 5 boxes of paperwork to sort), a lot got charity shopped. Stuff I remember from my childhood.
It was horrid. No time to reminisce, decide if it was something someone would like, just keep/bin/charity. Incessently. For a week.
Finally got to arrange the funeral. It's Monday. I have the flowers ordered.
We made sure the church (Tom wanted to go ... a whole load of fun for the athiest here trying to sort a service), was wheelchair accessible, and the pub for the munchies afterwards. Yet it doesn't look like any of his friends from his sheltered accommodation will come. I'd rather they didn't kill themselves to get there, but it would have been nice to see them. I'm worried that his closest friend doesn't even know. She was in hospital and if I go and see her, she'll ask me and I'd rather not be responsible for killing her.
My dad says he doesn't want to go to the chapel of rest for a viewing. In fact he said "no, I don't do that". Which is astonishing, given that I clearly remember being PUSHED into it by him when 'we' went to see mum.
One of their sisters died about six weeks ago. One is very ill and won't come. The other says she will, but I doubt she'll make it to the grave. I'm not sure dad will. It's at the back of the cemetary and they used what used to be paths, as new graves. They haven't cut the grass and as many of the graves date back to the 1700-1800's, it's very uneven where they've collapsed or sunk. There are no new plots there anymore, just second interments. If it's even remotely damp, let alone wet or icy, it's going to totally unsuitable for anyone slightly dodgy on their feet.
So, yeah, Monday.
And as a PSA ... make a will. Make it known what you want at your funeral; pre-pay and pre-plan it if possible. Consider doing a legal power of attorney. Get a list of passwords and logins somewhere. I'm lucky in the sense, that most of the companies I've dealt with have been fine. But he was 88 and was not of the electronic age. Many companies get really picky about data protection; Whitefriars wouldn't even recognize my LPA! Do what you can now to make it easier for those left behind. No, it doesn't matter what age you are; do it. No one knows what's happening tomorrow.
djmbbandie
Well-known member
Condolences Thy.
Thy, I am so sorry. And I continue to be astonished at just how much people suck, especially when things are at their most fragile. You clearly did a fantastic job and he was lucky to have you.
I hope you have someone to take care of you when this nightmare is over - you need to be babied and fussed over for a bit yourself.
I hope you have someone to take care of you when this nightmare is over - you need to be babied and fussed over for a bit yourself.
Couldn't have said that better myself, and couldn't agree more.
We had friends round for dinner last night, after they left my parents had a huge bust up and I ended up getting involved and physically separating them. I almost took my Mum to my Uncle's because my step-dad was so angry, I was worried he would hit her (he never ever has for the record), but my Mum is always my priority in life. We managed to reattach the light to the ceiling, but I need to take my Mum into town today to get a new phone, TV remote and coffee table - because we have a handful of small coffee tableesque pieces now.
Merry-effin-Christmas. Every year, Christmas or New Year, there has to be drama. Does anybody else have that in their house?
Merry-effin-Christmas. Every year, Christmas or New Year, there has to be drama. Does anybody else have that in their house?
Short version: "Yes". Part of the reason I don't celebrate Xmas.
Ah he has one of those phones which can only take incoming calls *rolleyes*.
Wow, that is bad.
Doesn't happen in my house. My family is not allowed to come into my house. And I go away for Christmas, leeching onto someone else's family, where there's also trouble (an alcoholic brother, a narcistic sister) and grief (a brother who took his own life is missed most at those times of the year) but generally it's more peaceful and the food is better.
The worst violence I have to fear is from the family dog, who's vicious, but old, thus now nearly deaf so he won't hear me when I shout at him to stop biting my leg off.
