Only advice I'll give is to not build her up so much in your mind. You'll make it impossible for yourself to engage with her normally. Just open up conversation along easy avenues. Gripe about work and then say you can't wait to get off so that you can do some hobby, event, etc. Then ask her what she likes to do outside of work, did over the weekend, has planned...etc.
OT: The Daily Thread
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T72on1
New member
That all sounds so easy. I know I would be bad at it in such circumstances. Don't get me wrong, I think you are right. I just would be awful at it, I think. And I think I can say I'm quite a social person.
I'm so glad that I met my wife when I was 18 and never had to worry about all of that anymore. Second girlfriend I ever had. Yes I'm slow. But steady
.
I'm so glad that I met my wife when I was 18 and never had to worry about all of that anymore. Second girlfriend I ever had. Yes I'm slow. But steady
.
jonny5
New member
@T72on1 I can relate to that. My wife and I actually went to elementary and middle school together (and dated very briefly during that time), before going to separate high schools, losing touch, and ultimately getting back together for good when we were 19. By 20, the US housing market had crashed (~2007) and we were able to buy our first house together as poor college students. By then, President Obama had enacted a program in which first-time home buyers were given $6000 by the government simply for buying a house. We used that money to pay for our wedding. It was a good time to be broke, looking back on it now.
Sure my ego would take a hit, but i'm not worried about that. My ego can take it. It's my feelings that i'm worried about.
In the end i'll probably ask it because of the 'what if'. But i'm not there yet.
Can you get Obama to give me 6k as well? I already got a house (well half of it, bank still owns the other half) so i'd probably have to spend it on getting an import bride instead of a wedding, but i'd still consider that a good deal.
John Remedy
Well-known member
Man, hearing you guys talk like this makes me so grateful for my girlfriend, even though we're polar opposites - I exist, she does not.
RL: Work was horrendous. I left early to cancel out my OT I put in earlier in the week. We sold my Nan's house (she passed in October), so I may be coming into some money to pay off my debts. That'd be a great birthday present for the summer.
D2: TRM and I got our untwinked FoHdin/FishyMancer combo to Patriarchs. An Um, Jalal's, and three skillers were proobably the more notable finds between us. My BlizzSorc finally killed NM Meph so I loaded her up with MF and the first drop gave me a Tal's ammy. Not a bad start to solo play...
OVG: Ranking up on Rocket League.
RL: Work was horrendous. I left early to cancel out my OT I put in earlier in the week. We sold my Nan's house (she passed in October), so I may be coming into some money to pay off my debts. That'd be a great birthday present for the summer.
D2: TRM and I got our untwinked FoHdin/FishyMancer combo to Patriarchs. An Um, Jalal's, and three skillers were proobably the more notable finds between us. My BlizzSorc finally killed NM Meph so I loaded her up with MF and the first drop gave me a Tal's ammy. Not a bad start to solo play...
OVG: Ranking up on Rocket League.
jonny5
New member
@Cyrax Unfortunately, I think Obama is a bit preoccupied watching many of his accomplishments be systematically dismantled. Probably not in any mood to give away money.
@Fast Eddie So are you saying that you enjoy said non-existent girlfriend? Just curious; I need to live vicariously through others sometimes.
@Fast Eddie So are you saying that you enjoy said non-existent girlfriend? Just curious; I need to live vicariously through others sometimes.
John Remedy
Well-known member
@jonnyphive Oh goodness no, the loneliness is a killer. I haven't had a relationship in five years (been sober two). I don't feel ready. I'm still dealing with the trauma that led to my sobriety. I'm 34 with no interest in children, and to enter into a 50/50 long-term relationship with the baggage I'm currently holding onto is a tall order indeed. I have yet to find the confidence in sobriety that did not previously seem so elusive. If I hadn't made a conscious effort to leave the house to go to pro-wrestling shows in 2018 and to form a D&D group in 2019 I would remain locked away in the UK equivalent of the parent's basement, aka The Man Cave.
TLDR: I had a "my girlfriend doesn't exist" joke I thought was funny. One is the loneliest number.
TLDR: I had a "my girlfriend doesn't exist" joke I thought was funny. One is the loneliest number.
zemaj
Active member
Look up guys! We've got 99 problems... 
Ladies, if you don't get the reference, you probably dont want to click the link, just sayin'...
EDIT: original link was to remix... actually took far longer than it should have to find a working link to an original track. Some snowflake must have been offended. (Shocking!)
Ladies, if you don't get the reference, you probably dont want to click the link, just sayin'...
EDIT: original link was to remix... actually took far longer than it should have to find a working link to an original track. Some snowflake must have been offended. (Shocking!)
Last edited:
djmbbandie
Well-known member
RL: drove over 1000 miles yesterday. New record. But kind of going to relax and go slower today. Glacier is only 90 miles and I’ll probably end in Spokane or Seattle tonight. Yesterday did a ton of picture taking in North Dakota, including giant buffalo, sandhill crane, enchanted highway, and Teddy Roosevelt national park.
D2: lol nope.
OVG: bummed that lapras raiding is today. There no group in this small town next to i15.
D2: lol nope.
OVG: bummed that lapras raiding is today. There no group in this small town next to i15.
John Remedy
Well-known member
1000 miles in one day? Crazy! Man, sounds like a fun trip! Reminds me of when I drove 4000 miles to Poland and back a few summers ago. Have a great time!
RL: Work sucks. My favourite coworker is off at London ComicCon and I miss her; moreso when she messages me and asks me who my favourite pro-wrestler is because there's a huge wrestling stand there and she wants to buy me something. The money from my Nan's house came through already. I am debt free. I cried a little. Finally home for my three-day weekend. Need to catch up on chores and errands, D&D and UFC.
D2: Hoping to run into Trim and team up for some more MP, otherwise it'll be the BlizzSorc MFing.
OVG: Rocket League. I've hit my mechanical skill level ceiling in the new season, so some nights I rank up, some nights I rank down
RL: Work sucks. My favourite coworker is off at London ComicCon and I miss her; moreso when she messages me and asks me who my favourite pro-wrestler is because there's a huge wrestling stand there and she wants to buy me something. The money from my Nan's house came through already. I am debt free. I cried a little. Finally home for my three-day weekend. Need to catch up on chores and errands, D&D and UFC.
D2: Hoping to run into Trim and team up for some more MP, otherwise it'll be the BlizzSorc MFing.
OVG: Rocket League. I've hit my mechanical skill level ceiling in the new season, so some nights I rank up, some nights I rank down
I guess i better start with a disclaimer: If you're tired of my whining about my life you better skip this post entirely. I did warn you.
So here goes...Not that there was any doubt, but the universe definately hates me. Badly. Yesterday i finally would've had the chance to go walk with the girl alone because the other guy wasn't at work. And of course it's raining during lunch break. Also just to be sure the universe also arranged for her to have a meeting running late.
But it doesn't stop there. We're having 4 day weekend because of a holiday on thursday (i took the friday off and she never works on fridays). So i decided i might as well get it over with and get rejected by her now and ask if she'd be interested in hanging out with me this weekend. Turns out even getting rejected is asking for too much. Decided to ask her if she had any plans for the weekend. Since last few times the answer was no i was hoping/expecting the same answer. That way i could ask if maybe she'd be interested in doing something with me. But instead she enthusiastically started talking about a birthday celebration from someone she knows. So i couldn't very well tell her that i didn't want to hear that and instead ask if she'd be interested in hanging out with me. Which meant that while she was talking about all of that i was thinking: WHY, why this weekend. Not that it would've made much of a difference because i expected the answer to be no anyway, but at least i would've known.
Furthermore during lunch the other guy was in a meeting that ran late, so i was getting another shot at walking alone with her. Or so i thought. Because she was talking to some people and i was mimicing if she wanted to go for a walk and she nodded no. Maybe she was too busy, but i went for a walk alone and when i came back she was sitting having lunch with some other people. Maybe she was only just done, but she came back fairly late so if she'd asked for me to wait for her i would've. So perhaps she didn't feel like walking with me. Also hardly saw her at work because she was busy the last few days. Add to that, that i'm having a lack of sleep and a seriously bad day at work (regarding work related stuff) and frankly i feel like crying. Maybe it's all a coincidence and she does like me/to hang out with me, but now i have to keep wondering for at least until next week. And i'm having a 4 day weekend that i'm totally not looking forward to and have no idea how to get through it.
I know you can't have it all in life. But it would be nice if every once in a decade or so i'd catch a break, but even that's too much to ask. And for those wondering: the decade isn't even an exaggeration. Life would be so much easier if i would have had to guts to end it. Unfortunately i don't, and with my luck i'll probably even live to be the oldest person to ever exist. Well, i guess i'm off to 'celebrate' my extended weekend.
So here goes...Not that there was any doubt, but the universe definately hates me. Badly. Yesterday i finally would've had the chance to go walk with the girl alone because the other guy wasn't at work. And of course it's raining during lunch break. Also just to be sure the universe also arranged for her to have a meeting running late.
But it doesn't stop there. We're having 4 day weekend because of a holiday on thursday (i took the friday off and she never works on fridays). So i decided i might as well get it over with and get rejected by her now and ask if she'd be interested in hanging out with me this weekend. Turns out even getting rejected is asking for too much. Decided to ask her if she had any plans for the weekend. Since last few times the answer was no i was hoping/expecting the same answer. That way i could ask if maybe she'd be interested in doing something with me. But instead she enthusiastically started talking about a birthday celebration from someone she knows. So i couldn't very well tell her that i didn't want to hear that and instead ask if she'd be interested in hanging out with me. Which meant that while she was talking about all of that i was thinking: WHY, why this weekend. Not that it would've made much of a difference because i expected the answer to be no anyway, but at least i would've known.
Furthermore during lunch the other guy was in a meeting that ran late, so i was getting another shot at walking alone with her. Or so i thought. Because she was talking to some people and i was mimicing if she wanted to go for a walk and she nodded no. Maybe she was too busy, but i went for a walk alone and when i came back she was sitting having lunch with some other people. Maybe she was only just done, but she came back fairly late so if she'd asked for me to wait for her i would've. So perhaps she didn't feel like walking with me. Also hardly saw her at work because she was busy the last few days. Add to that, that i'm having a lack of sleep and a seriously bad day at work (regarding work related stuff) and frankly i feel like crying. Maybe it's all a coincidence and she does like me/to hang out with me, but now i have to keep wondering for at least until next week. And i'm having a 4 day weekend that i'm totally not looking forward to and have no idea how to get through it.
I know you can't have it all in life. But it would be nice if every once in a decade or so i'd catch a break, but even that's too much to ask. And for those wondering: the decade isn't even an exaggeration. Life would be so much easier if i would have had to guts to end it. Unfortunately i don't, and with my luck i'll probably even live to be the oldest person to ever exist. Well, i guess i'm off to 'celebrate' my extended weekend.
zemaj
Active member
I'm not going to address the first parts, as it would mostly be things you have heard before that don't really help much. The bit quoted is very worrisome though. It's not that bad, bro. You have a place to sleep, a vehicle, a job which you apparently are at least good at, and probably a dozen other things that I just don't know of because you don't talk about that. Shit can be rough, especially concerning romance, but there is soooooo much more to existence than that.
Have you thought about going out for the long weekend? Have a drink, enjoy yourself, have a conversation with some random person. Hell, after enough of the above, you may see a lady that looks like she would enjoy walks and conversation... if so go for it! Over analysis almost never helps in those situations. And even if it doesn't work out that way, having a different perspective on the whole interactions between you and work-lady may just help you sort that.
In any event, life is the over abundance of possibilities, with new ones every second. Death is the total lack thereof, the end of possibility in fact. Not much better at all when you really look at it.
jonny5
New member
@Cyrax, I'll second what @zemaj suggested. Even going to a bar alone, just sit up at the bar and strike up some conversations. It'll either help take your mind off of things, help you work through them, or let you meet some new people. Given how down you've been feeling lately, I feel pretty confident saying that it will be a much better experience than what you're surely thinking it would be.
After all, you're here in this e-bar sharing all this with us; why not take that sentiment into a bar that serves non-digital booze too?
After all, you're here in this e-bar sharing all this with us; why not take that sentiment into a bar that serves non-digital booze too?
You know how they say that a negative person has a problem for every solution? I'm that person. Heck i have at least 10 problems for every solution. Unfortunately the biggest problem is me and i can't get away from me.
Just after writing my previous post i actually thought about it and came to the conclusion that not having money problems and having decent health is pretty much all that's keeping me above rock bottom (i was wondering how much worse my life could get, turns out it actually could get worse. Maybe not by much, but still not a very comforting thought.).
The going out and have fun part is a problem for me. For example, in the last few years i thought several times that it might be fun to go to a zoo again. Then i realise i have to go there alone, wander around all day by myself and then go home alone. So by the time i finish that thought every bit of excitement for the idea is completely gone. Every time i think: would be nice if i had someone to go with. Needless to say i'm still occasionally thinking about it and then rejecting it immediately.
Same thing would happen with a bar. To begin with i don't drink and i don't like bars (EMB not included) so that's already off to a bad start. Then there's the problem i don't like people i know. Or at least not enough to hang out with them. I wanted to say with one or two exceptions, but frankly right now i think the girl at work would be the one exception and on top of my head i can't even think of a second one. And because i don't like people i already know, i assume i will not like the people i don't know. Plus i'm terrible at small talk especially with people i don't know. Once i get to know people i'm ok, but for the ones i don't know i really have no idea what to say, neither am i really interested in them.
So yeah, i could force myself to go to a bar. But by the time i get there my mood will be foul because i'll be literally forcing myself, i'll just be staring at a drink thinking about that, wondering what the hell i'm doing there and thinking when the acceptable time would be to go home. I can fake a lot, but i'm not that good of an actor.
So really it's a chicken and egg problem. I need someone (or a few) people i like so i can go out and do fun stuff with just me and the other person. But in order to find them i would have to go out and do stuff i don't wanna do (or at best don't wanna do by myself). Once the size of the group is 3 or higher i just don't feel part of it any more. Hence also why i don't like the other guy from work joining for a walk even though it's a nice guy. I can deal with that happening occasionally (as in faking i like it / make an effort to take part in it), but on a regular base i just zone out and am basically only physically there. During the last two times the 3 of us walked together (so all together well over an hour) i doubt i said more than 10 sentences. At one point i was zoned out when i suddenly realised they expected an answer from me, but i totally missed what they were talking about so they had to repeat it.
I know that's how most people see it, but unfortunately for me it's not. It's an abundance of ways to get hurt with a few exceptions that are always out of reach. Since i don't have any highlights that i'd miss out on the lack of lows would be an improvement. Not the result you'd really want, but an improvement nonetheless.
Really, if you'd tell me i could save one really good/dear memory from the last 10 years because i'd forget everything else i don't think i could come up with even 1. Not even if my life depended on it. Heck i'd even still be in doubt if i could if i looked at the last 20 years.
Well, that's enough depressing thoughts for one day. Let's see if i can catch some sleep. Enough time to be depressed tomorrow.
Oh and don't think i don't appreciate you guys trying to cheer me up. It won't help, but i still appreciate the thought.
Just after writing my previous post i actually thought about it and came to the conclusion that not having money problems and having decent health is pretty much all that's keeping me above rock bottom (i was wondering how much worse my life could get, turns out it actually could get worse. Maybe not by much, but still not a very comforting thought.).
The going out and have fun part is a problem for me. For example, in the last few years i thought several times that it might be fun to go to a zoo again. Then i realise i have to go there alone, wander around all day by myself and then go home alone. So by the time i finish that thought every bit of excitement for the idea is completely gone. Every time i think: would be nice if i had someone to go with. Needless to say i'm still occasionally thinking about it and then rejecting it immediately.
Same thing would happen with a bar. To begin with i don't drink and i don't like bars (EMB not included) so that's already off to a bad start. Then there's the problem i don't like people i know. Or at least not enough to hang out with them. I wanted to say with one or two exceptions, but frankly right now i think the girl at work would be the one exception and on top of my head i can't even think of a second one. And because i don't like people i already know, i assume i will not like the people i don't know. Plus i'm terrible at small talk especially with people i don't know. Once i get to know people i'm ok, but for the ones i don't know i really have no idea what to say, neither am i really interested in them.
So yeah, i could force myself to go to a bar. But by the time i get there my mood will be foul because i'll be literally forcing myself, i'll just be staring at a drink thinking about that, wondering what the hell i'm doing there and thinking when the acceptable time would be to go home. I can fake a lot, but i'm not that good of an actor.
So really it's a chicken and egg problem. I need someone (or a few) people i like so i can go out and do fun stuff with just me and the other person. But in order to find them i would have to go out and do stuff i don't wanna do (or at best don't wanna do by myself). Once the size of the group is 3 or higher i just don't feel part of it any more. Hence also why i don't like the other guy from work joining for a walk even though it's a nice guy. I can deal with that happening occasionally (as in faking i like it / make an effort to take part in it), but on a regular base i just zone out and am basically only physically there. During the last two times the 3 of us walked together (so all together well over an hour) i doubt i said more than 10 sentences. At one point i was zoned out when i suddenly realised they expected an answer from me, but i totally missed what they were talking about so they had to repeat it.
I know that's how most people see it, but unfortunately for me it's not. It's an abundance of ways to get hurt with a few exceptions that are always out of reach. Since i don't have any highlights that i'd miss out on the lack of lows would be an improvement. Not the result you'd really want, but an improvement nonetheless.
Really, if you'd tell me i could save one really good/dear memory from the last 10 years because i'd forget everything else i don't think i could come up with even 1. Not even if my life depended on it. Heck i'd even still be in doubt if i could if i looked at the last 20 years.
Well, that's enough depressing thoughts for one day. Let's see if i can catch some sleep. Enough time to be depressed tomorrow.
Oh and don't think i don't appreciate you guys trying to cheer me up. It won't help, but i still appreciate the thought.
John Remedy
Well-known member
Not to parrot the advice already given, but the best things I've done since I've been sober have involved talking to people. I made myself a new year's resolution to make a new friend at work. The first conversation led to a D&D group being formed before the end of that day, and a group of six currently playing since January. Random conversation is also how I found someone to watch UFC with whenever there's a big event. Admittedly I have spent longer than I'd like stuck in conversation with fools to find a new set of friends, but now I'm leaving my house to hang out with human beings and share an experience and that's more than I was doing this time last year.
Bars aren't for everyone. Maybe rediscover your forgotten hobbies? Or find new ones? Perhaps those that meet your social criteria (introvert here - totally understand). Maybe a co-op MP game with voice-chat would be more accessible?
I understand it's a lot easier to dispense advice than to take it, even if it comes from life lessons. I hope it gets easier for you
===
RL: Starting to resent going to work, to the point where I'm calculating the new finances to see if I can afford to emigrate/look for a new job/build a rocket and fly into the sun.
D2: Pushing the BlizzSorc but no noteworthy finds.
OVG: Not tonight.
Bars aren't for everyone. Maybe rediscover your forgotten hobbies? Or find new ones? Perhaps those that meet your social criteria (introvert here - totally understand). Maybe a co-op MP game with voice-chat would be more accessible?
I understand it's a lot easier to dispense advice than to take it, even if it comes from life lessons. I hope it gets easier for you
===
RL: Starting to resent going to work, to the point where I'm calculating the new finances to see if I can afford to emigrate/look for a new job/build a rocket and fly into the sun.
D2: Pushing the BlizzSorc but no noteworthy finds.
OVG: Not tonight.
djmbbandie
Well-known member
RL: in a much better frame of mind and ready for rest of summer. Did two consecutive 900+miles days Tuesday and Wednesday and now I’m 600 ish from home. This trip was awesome as I did Theodore Roosevelt, glacier, and Olympic (too many people in Seattle so only did one of two due to traffic. Back to work Friday.
D2: hurricane ridge kind of reminds me of the concept of act v and the mountains of mount arreat. Definitely recommend if you’re anywhere by Seattle and want to see an amazing mountain range.
OVG: currently losing myself in the snorlax event. Am collecting for an army and will be out all this weekend hunting. Next week is community day, following week back to Chicago to see if there’s any bonuses for nonattending go fest members. Following week after that one is the Pokémon world championships in Columbus (going to go visit and see if they give out some more unown since it’s only a two hour drive for me). Yep. Pokémon will take my mind off the other stuff for at least the next month.....
D2: hurricane ridge kind of reminds me of the concept of act v and the mountains of mount arreat. Definitely recommend if you’re anywhere by Seattle and want to see an amazing mountain range.
OVG: currently losing myself in the snorlax event. Am collecting for an army and will be out all this weekend hunting. Next week is community day, following week back to Chicago to see if there’s any bonuses for nonattending go fest members. Following week after that one is the Pokémon world championships in Columbus (going to go visit and see if they give out some more unown since it’s only a two hour drive for me). Yep. Pokémon will take my mind off the other stuff for at least the next month.....
Are none of us good at this? I have this lady at work (she's a really smart post-doc, so even more nervy) who I have a 'smile at each other and nobody does anything about it' thing going on, I think. She wears these adorable hair bands with a flower head on them, and I keep wanting to tell her that they always make me smile when I'm having a bad day. Also, she's German, so y'know, she has that accent Am I only person who finds something alluring about German accents?^^
Am I only person who finds something alluring about German accents?^^I had a brief fling with a Canadian French girl once...definitely my favorite. German is up there too, though
Kartongen
Well-known member
Scottish and Irish are the sexiest accents to me. I could listen to those accent for hours on end. Really need to go back to Scotland soon...
@Cyrax Finding friends at adult age is hard. I had some problems when I moved to my current town some 4 years ago. My advice would be to find a group activity and join a course/association or similar. E.g. in my town there is a board game club. Very welcoming atmosphere there. Maybe something like that could be a nice first step?
Also, if you are not already getting professional help, you should really consider talking to a shrink. Your depression seems quite deep. Finding a few friends or a partner will not solve it all, in my experience. You need help working your way up.
Stay strong man. The forum is always here for you.
@Cyrax Finding friends at adult age is hard. I had some problems when I moved to my current town some 4 years ago. My advice would be to find a group activity and join a course/association or similar. E.g. in my town there is a board game club. Very welcoming atmosphere there. Maybe something like that could be a nice first step?
Also, if you are not already getting professional help, you should really consider talking to a shrink. Your depression seems quite deep. Finding a few friends or a partner will not solve it all, in my experience. You need help working your way up.
Stay strong man. The forum is always here for you.
