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Vessel of Hatred

Etdlahq Memorial Bar - your shelter from forum crashes continued

If I need to be in such a meeting and my knee starts acting up I'll just sit on the floor and explain.
 
*drinks two glasses of wine*

I saw a therapist yesterday to try to get through the feeling of extreme anger with my ex-husband. To be able to move on I need to stop being so angry all the time. My sleep is starting to suffer and I need to make some changes
 
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What works for me if i have strong emotions I want to work through, is sports. I usually go for a stiff bike ride. Not thinking about anything just letting my mind wander.
I'm also known to "meditate", I have a few learning disabilities and I had trouble sleeping when I was young and I was thaught some self relaxation techniques and they are sort of ingrained that I do them without realising.
 
A heavybag with a photo taped to it helped me work through alot of my anger issues... added benefit that it does help you sleep better too.

Just be sure to get some gloves or hand wraps if you go that route... friction burn on your knuckles sucks.
 
queenEm said:
*drinks two glasses of wine*

I saw a therapist yesterday to try to get through the feeling of extreme anger with my ex-husband. To be able to move on I need to stop being so angry all the time. My sleep is starting to suffer and I need to make some changes
Click to expand...
For me, I came to the realization that having these feelings is a bit like control. If I allow myself to hate her, be disgusted, angry, rage, feel personally betrayed and attacked, insulted -- I'm just giving her power over me. I don't want her to have power over me!

I don't know anything about what makes him ex- and why you are angry, and certainly I don't mean to belittle it, or downplay it. Once I realized that I didn't want her to have any power over me, any and all feelings just melted away.

Could be just a coping mechanism. I was not ready to have kids, she wanted to have kids (she already had 1 from a previous marriage) very badly, and we planned to spend the rest of our lives together. I wanted more time to increase our financial standings, get into a better house, secure our future. She decided, and I will never know why, that she had to have a child with me, or leave. I compromised.

Years later, her affair isn't what necessarily broke our marriage. It was her reason for having the affair. She had grown tired of being a mother. Seriously? 6 years ago I told her I wasn't ready to have kids, now that you've got 3 (2 are mine) you want to walk away? That, right there, is the ultimate check-mate. We played a game. We danced around in life for 5 years before having a child together, and then 6 years after. She broke my very identity. I was a guy with a plan, with no kids, that wasn't ready for kids, to a guy now raising 3 kids on my own. All that is to say, I understand having feelings towards an ex-spouse.

Circle back around, and I'll end this post, because I'm feeling like I've gone on a bit of rant.

Someone I respect very much told me this at the end of my driveway late at night: "You can not control someone else's heart." This was his conclusion to a conversation about "why me?" and "what could I have done differently?" and such.

I hope this helps you to see things in a different light. The more feelings you have towards him, the more power he has over your life. *cheers*
 
Thanks for the support. And I know that it seems "easy" once you are through it. With my logic I know what to do, I can give extremely good advice. Both to others and myself . Problem is to follow them...

I think that your advice, all of you @kamap, @zemaj and @logoutzero, are really good. I wish I could act like that but I just can't seem to gather the strength it needs to take that step. But I do appreciate you giving them to me, after all this is over I will most likely read your posts again and say: that is exactly how I did it!! Just not yet. I guess something about hitting rock bottom before you start to go upwards again.

will keep you posted (y)
 
Just chugging along, myself. I'm not sure I'm ready for the cold this year. Specifically any freezes. This'll be my first year on a well, and I'm not sure how freezing temps interact with it. Gonna have to get it heated and insulated here before too long!
 
I'm sad I can't make my normal trip to Colorado to see family, but I'm ready for 90's to be over and done with. I love the cold. Going a little stir crazy myself, I took off this semester for the pandemic but I plan to return in the spring.
 
Stupid pandemic.

I've got some pictures from a couple of years ago, at 8 in the morning, we're out in the yard playing in the snow, then at noon that same day, we're out in the yard in bathing suits playing in the sprinklers. I'm thankful we don't get that harsh of winters around here, but I agree about the heat. You can always put on more layers, but you can only take off so many...
 
Its nice not having to shovel a driveway at 6 in the morning just to leave your house. Fun times. You mentioned wells, do you work in the oil field?
 
No, water well.

I recently moved out to the country, and I'm not on municipal water for the first time in my life.
 
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Oh, interesting. I have a place southwest of Houston and we recently installed a septic system and water well. The first freeze is a little nerve racking, but luckily no busted pipes and the outside components wrapped up nicely with insulation.
 
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Sunday. Weekend is soon over here in Sweden.
I stayed up too long yesterday watching Cast Away (the old Tom Hanks movie) and today I am suffering...
I'll have a dew and a Full rejuvenation potion.
 
*hops over the bar and snags a Dew, leaves a buck in it's place*

*produces a full juvie from his pack*

Get some rest! Maybe the caffeine isn't the right idea... :devilish:
 
@logoutzero Just put it on @durf's tab.
@queenEm: Good movie, though staying up late is a bad idea. i should lsiten to that advise myself, I regularly stay up late either reading or playing videogames and occasianally watching a movie.
 
@queenEm: Hang in there! You will make it through eventually. My very own therapist once told me, that anger is far better to overcome something than misery because it is a more active emotion - as long as you manage to vent off the anger :) I wish you patience with your feelings and good luck sorting them out with your therapist!

@logoutzero: Yo, sir, have earned my deepest respect, what with all theat breakup, raising kids on your own, moving, building yourself a place to live, taking care of finanicals, getting time in to play D2...I wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart, because that seems like a lot of responsibility and work! I know from my sister that bringing up even one child on your own is quite the straining task and I hope that you have lots of beautiful and awesome moments with your kids to balance the scales! :)

oh dear, have to do the taxi-dad again in 45 mins for the kids...I guess I better get moving and finish some housework before that!
 
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@Grisu: Thank you sir! I'm trying to do right with the hand I've been dealt. Certainly, finding time to play D2, no, *making* time is therapeutic for me. I end up firing up the game, getting started, then leaving it running minimized an awful lot. Having something I enjoy for the short times where the kids are occupied, where I can stay in and keep things managed is good for me. And of course, late at night once they've gone down for the day :)

The housework never ends!

I'll have to do some forum digging, but it sounds like you and I aren't in very dissimilar situations? Either way, keep up your good work! :D
 
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