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Forum Crash: Lord Rahl Strikes Back!

Forum Crash: Lord Rahl Strikes Back!

As Darken_Rahl used the last of his potions to enhance his ability to explode the corpses of vanquished enemies, a great clap of thunder reverberated throughout the plains. The very ground itself seemed to groan, and in a rush like the charging of thousands of horses, the surroundings went black...

Rahl: Fred... what did you do this time?

Fred: Wasn't me, sir. I'm not sure what happened at all. Can you see me?

Rahl: I can't see a thing. Golem? Where are you?

Golem: Rarr.

Rahl: I know it's dark. Be patient. I'll.... think of something.

Random voice: What just happened??
Random voice: Dunno... I think the forum just crashed.
Random voice: Noooo!! My posts!! They're all gone!! The humanity!!!
Random voice: LOL j00 n00bl4r!! My h4XX0r f0ruM Sk1Lz PwN j00!!

Fred: .... Ummm....

Rahl: Skeletons... was that you?

*clickety clackity clatter*

LOUD RESOUNDING VOICE: No!!! You mean my story is all gone!? What about all the work I've done with Rahl and his buddies!?

Fred: Hey, I think they're talking about you, boss.

Rahl: Shh... listen...

LOUD VOICE: Oh great. I knew I should've backed it all up. Oh well. The story must go on.

*lights come back on*

Rahl: .... Fred...

Fred: Yeah boss?

Rahl: I think.... I think that was.... The Author.

*group bows for a moment of reverence*

Fred: The Author would grace us with his presence? But why??

Rahl: It can only mean one thing.... he is directly overseeing my rise to conquer all adversaries. I have divine protection! Eat that, Tyrael!!
*maniacal laugh*

And so, with newfound hope, Rahl and his minions made their way toward the ever-imposing Chaos Sanctuary....


Oct 11, 2003
Your stories are back here now, so we have everything necessary to continue our lives :)

Too bad if you didn't backup other parts of the Darken_Rahls adventures on your comp :(

Ah well, im sure next stories will be just as hilarious :thumbsup:


Aug 14, 2003
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A pitty there are no backups. :( I had always intended to go through the thread and copy / paste all those nice stories but I was always going to do it "tomorrow" :teeth:


Jun 22, 2003
Ooooh, nice, another lunch-time monitor-muckmeister back on track...
Good to see you're not discouraged, KP!


Jun 24, 2003
Evansville, Indiana, USA
Ahhhh! KP! You're breaking the fourth wall! Breaking the fourth wall makes for much more humor though. So yes... keep it up. I'm sure someone kept a log of your story. Just a matter of finding who. People are weird like that.


Jun 22, 2003
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Kaysaar said:
Greatest D2 Stories ever! I love the Golem character. Rarr!

Greatest ever? *pout* They are funny, I like them. :D I might take umbrage at the suggestion that they're the greatest ever... but that's just professional jealousy speaking and you should pay it no mind. Pray continue with your misbegotten missives and keep us in suspense no longer! :thumbsup:



Jul 31, 2003
Westerwald, Germany
Yeah! Lord Rahl is back!

Maybe he should take a trip into the dark data center dungeon and show the evil minions of data corruption the magic of a spell named backup and restore ;)
Indeed. Of all the great Author Gods that Lord Rahl fears, the legendary Stony is the most formidable.

Not to worry, Stony. Your stories are still the greatest, man.

Although I do wonder what'd happen if Rahl ever encountered Boddicea... 'twould be scary, methinks. Barbie meets Next-in-line-to-be-a-Prime-Evil. Oh the carnage.
Bah, Stony deserves much more credit than this. Besides, if not for him and his Grand Tour, I might not have ever been inspired to write these kooky lil' things to begin with. Anyway... back to the show.

Waging war with no quarter, Rahl arrived at the formidable Chaos Sanctuary, where he poured out his unerring wrath upon its denizens. At last, upon killing Diablo's three generals and their minions, and releasing the seals which bound the beast, the Lord of Terror revealed himself to our hero.

Rahl: Well, hi there, lizard man. Long time no see. Still using that girly pink lightning?

Diablo: .... Harsh words for such a puny, pale little man. Care to back them up with more than your pathetic little army?

Rahl: Ha! You don't know who you speak to. I am Lord Rahl!!

*dramatic silence*

Diablo: ..... And...?

Rahl: Don't you know? I'm protected personally by The Author.

Diablo: ...The what?

Rahl: Heathen! I call upon His awesome power to smite you. *raises a finger at Diablo* Die, unbeliever!!

*crickets chirping*
*random demon yawning*

Diablo: .... *snicker* ..... *busts out into a loud fit of laughter*

Rahl: *face goes crimson... well.... less pale than normal*

Fred: Ehh... shall we do this the old-fashion way?

Rahl: You mean, I curse him while my skeletons wail on him and you drop dead from one blast of lightning?

Fred: .... On second thought...

Rahl: Die, beast!! *decrepify*

Diablo: .... I REALLY hate that spell...

Rahl: .... *decrepify decrepify decrepi--*


And so, after a grueling battle, and many potions to Fred, Rahl and his group emerged from Hell's bowels, crispy, but victorious.

Rahl: What's this?? No Tyrael to thank me for saving his arse AGAIN??

Fred: There's a note over here on the wall.



The holy golem thing was a very dirty trick, and one I won't take lightly. I seriously hope you learn to control yourself and respect those who watch over you. Press the button on the wall behind this letter, and it will open a portal to Harrogath. I shall see you again soon, mortal.


Rahl: .... He's got nerve. Anyway, let's do this, Fred. It's almost over. Soon, we'll be relaxing on sandy shores, drinking cold beverages and surrounded by exotic women.

Fred: Sounds good. One thing, though... Can I press the button? Please? Pretty please???

And thus, the portal opened, revealing the besieged town of Harrogath....


Aug 14, 2003
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Kung Poo said:
Rahl: You mean, I curse him while my skeletons wail on him and you drop dead from one blast of lightning?

:lol: It's so funny because it's true! (quoting Dr. Zoidberg more or less accurately, I hope)

At any rate, good job, as usual :)

As for the stony issue... Well, I'm sort of embarrassed to admit that I haven't read the grand tour. When I joined there was already part 6 or something and somehow that scared me off. "what, 6 of these huge threads? I'll never get around to read them all, better run away like 1.09 char seening a quill rat..." :teeth: Now it's too late as the squid ate everything. :(